Wow, it has been a crazy ride.
Seems like yesterday when I made that ominous decision to write about my relationships and share a piece of myself with thousands of strangers.
It’s been almost 20 months to be exact. I started blogging after my birthday in May last year.
I recently checked and I could not believe that I had written and published over 150 blogs. 80 or so blogs never saw the light of day. Maybe I will gather enough coverage to share those eventually.
I remember celebrating when I gained 100 fans on Facebook. I went nuts when I hit 1000 fans. I felt I had made it. I had 1000 people who actually like the stuff that I wrote? Wow!
Then I crept up to 5000 fans, 10,000 fans, 50,000 fans and presently, over 130,000 fans. I didn’t feel like celebrating anymore as the fan base grew. I’m still not sure why.
A lot has happened and my evolution has been interesting and scary to watch at the same time. Those who remember my first blogs will recount fond memories of a poetic love-sick middle-aged man who was battling the odds to find love abroad. That man’s days were unfortunately numbered.
In 2016, I had all the makings of a man who could not wait to find his soul mate and walk down the aisle. In 2017, a darker and cynical version of Kwadjo entered the fray.
I railed against marriage, celebrated my bachelorhood lifestyle with no apologies and wrote more about sex from a depraved standpoint in some cases. The vampires in my head were let loose and I allowed them to roam freely.
The truth is, I needed time to truly understand myself before I started writing. Honestly speaking, my descent into the dark side was expected and inevitable.
Writing about my cynicism in relationships and marriage was fun but it also took away my ability to see the full picture.
I needed to just be Kwadjo for a bit. In reality, I needed to figure out who Kwadjo was first and learn to stand in his shoes for a little while longer.
I should have found the time and ways to be okay with my cynicism and relationship anxieties before I started writing. I was not kind enough to myself and I did not fully know me.
I feel like I’ve lost the Kwadjo Panyin of 2016. If I’m being honest, I know that I’ve lost him. Here is how I know; I’ve not written any gushing romantic poems like “My last days as a Bachelor” this year.
This was a poem in which I fantasized about the joy and peace I would feel the night before my wedding. A poem where I wrote about the woman who will make me end my bachelorhood.
I have not felt a tad bit interested in writing that way this year; not even an inkling. I’ve divulged into a guy who can easily come up with 50 reasons not to be married. Yeah, that Kwadjo Panyin of 2016 is long gone.
My life has changed in more ways than I can count since I embarked on this journey. I’ve met some great people, I’ve made some awesome new friends, people have touched me and I take comfort in the fact that I’ve touched some people also.
The changes in my life have been negative in some cases as well. I’ve met some great women whom I scared away with my writings and my fierce attachment to my bachelor lifestyle.
I’ve recently deleted some blogs as a result of the women I liked who shunned me. I’m not sure if deleting the blogs was the right thing to do. I do know hitting the delete button on those overly negative and cynical blogs felt good.
My warm heart did turn cold this year but that is okay. I know how to open my heart again and let the warmth in. I just have to learn how to allow someone in again. I have to learn to give someone an opportunity to get close again and not scare them off.
As with all things, sometimes you need a little break from yourself. It’s the holidays and this is the right time to take a hiatus from the cynical Kwadjo Panyin.
It’s time to get back on track and continue my journey to finding love. It’s time to find that woman who will upgrade my life and whose life I can enhance.
I am very much aware that this journey may not end with me finding love but that’s okay.
The greatest gift I can find on this journey is rediscovering myself again. The greatest gift I can give myself is finding a way to re-discover hope in love and marriage. The greatest gift I can give others is honesty.
I can’t wait to tell you more about this new journey. Not to worry, my wicked sense of humor and tackling controversial subjects are not getting left on the table. I’m not going back to write romantic poems either.
My wish going forward is to become a well-rounded writer.
On a different note, I got into music more this year because I needed an escape. My love and appreciation for all genres of music grew as a result. With that, I invested in some DJ equipment and added disk jockey to my jack of all trades list.
Hit me up if you need a great DJ to rock your party!
I can’t see the future obviously but I am open to whatever comes along.
Merry christmas and a happy new year!
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.