How Long Can You Go Without Sex?

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July 18, 2016
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July 24, 2016
“Wait, what? When was the last time you had sex again?”
An uncomfortable hush falls over our dinner table. She just blurted out the answer but I am not sure I really heard her right.
“It’s embarrassing. Why do you want me to repeat that?” She protests.
“I don’t think it’s that embarrassing,” I argue.
She pauses for a second and repeats.
“Five years.”
I was undoubtedly dumbfounded. In a way, I can see how a five-year dry spell is possible for her lifestyle. She has two teenage kids and sex has not been a priority for her. Five years, however, sounds like an eternity to me.
“Do you have a tipping point?” I curiously inquire.
“I used to think my tipping point was one year. I now know that I don’t really have a tipping point as a woman.” She explains.
“How about you? When was the last time you had sex?” She demands.
“Uhmmmmmmm.” I utter while scratching my head.
How do you I maneuver around this question?
 Truth be told, it has been a while since I had sex. It hasn’t been a year, more like a couple of months. Unintentional celibacy can be a recipe for disaster when you are uncomfortably close to your tipping point. You are in a danger of having sex with just about anyone just so you don’t go exceed your threshold deadline.  Once its been that long, you start to worry if your equipment still functions normally.  I recently discovered that most of my single friends were going through long stretches of unintentional celibacy.  I thought they were all out there “getting some” on a regular basis. I guess I was mistaken.
Tipping points differ for everyone but most of us have one. I have to admit that I am dangerously close to my tipping point and I am curious to know how other singles cope with their dry spells.  Curiosity got the best of me so I decided to call up some friends and collect data.
Dry spells for my male friends ranged anywhere from one to six months. They all seem to have a coping mechanism. To cope. some will regrettably sleep with a woman who likes them but they are not really into. Some will get on a dating site and find someone or should I say, find “anyone” quickly to fulfill the urge. Some told me they just pay an escort to end their dry spell. None of them mentioned or admitted to bashing the candle. I can’t say I am surprised, though. How many men will shamelessly declare that they self-indulge? Actually, I don’t want to know. I may have to shake their hand the next time we meet.
For my female friends, their dry spells ranged from five months to one year.  Their coping strategies appeared pretty unusual to me as a man. Most of my single female friends simply coped by not thinking about sex. How on earth can you make it through the day without thinking about sex, I wondered.
Men do not have a choice in the matter when it comes to thinking about sex. Nature itself does not give us a break from not thinking about sex. Most of us wake up each morning already “alert” and it is not our own doing. We were built that way.
One of my female friends told me she gets high on exercise to cope.  She declared “Exercise is better than sex, I tell you.” I’ve also heard the following coping mechanism from women:
“I hit the pool”
“I watch a movie”
“I do martial arts”
“I break out my yoga mat”
“I dance”
“I pray”
“I call my mother”
On the subject of self-indulgence, my single female friends were not bashful discussing the topic. Almost all had a shaker toy. They used their shakers frequently. “My shaker toy,” one told me, “is the only thing that keeps me out of trouble on the dating scene. It keeps me away from making mistakes.”
At some point, you will go through a dry spell as a single person. If you are like me, sex can dominate your mind especially if you are close to your tipping point. Sometimes, it feels like everyone is getting some EXCEPT YOU!
At the end of the day, you settle on one or two coping methods which work best for you. As long as your coping method does not cause you to make mistakes or cause phycological trauma, you’re cool.
Dear singles readers, what is your tipping point? My tipping point is three months. Don’t be shy. Be bold and share.
Maybe you will find your partner in the comments section :).
By Kwadjo Panyin…..
PS: Please Share this post with your friends if you like it :).

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.


  1. Sylvia says:

    I first had sex eight years ago. I must admit I feel for it once in a while but because I don’t have a boyfriend, I just take my mind off it by keeping myself busy.

    I’m hoping to get a boyfriend so I can have sex again.

  2. Nipplezs says:

    was addicted to self greasing as a kid but I grew out of it as I got older cos the ladies started coming. tipping point for the this year would be 4 months

  3. Guyton says:

    I’ve never had sex, at age 26 . Self greasing has never been an option either. Men, every second of my life these days, is filled with thoughts of how to get laid.

    • Kingputu says:

      Guyton, you have my exact story to a point. 26 and never greased. Not resulting from a lack of opportunity but choice to hold on till I have put the ring on the finger.

      The thoughts of getting laid on the front burner of your musings is very normal and natural. However, if you’ve been celibate for a score and six, a year or two before knotting it won’t kill you. But you gotta watch out – last days are dangerous. #NoTippingPoint

  4. Editta says:

    Yes it’s typical for men to have a short tipping point ? I think it would be a good few years for me as a tipping point and even then if I feel like I’m”gagging” I certainly will not have sex just because I’m at my tipping point. It definitely has to be with someone I am really into…not just for the sake of sex. We all know men and women are wired differently ?

  5. Tiyo says:

    A shaker toy?? Interesting!, well I’ve never heard that one before but I think I know exactly what it is,to me there’s no need for that.

    Like you already said,most people do not plan to be celibates but then again things turn out the other way, especially after a long relationship. yaaay?

    Am not trying to be judgmental but I think tipping points are mostly discussed amongst men and their friends because for most ladies once we not in a relationship, getting a “D” is not part of a plan. Infact “I” don’t even care.

    Got no tipping point tho, maybe it’s because am a lady and ooh, it even makes you a secondary virgin.

    ✔Kwadjo Panyin

  6. Nani says:

    Ummmm Almost two years, hardly think about it tho, don’t use a shaker lol, my friends always ask how i cope, honestly i don’t even know, not sure if i fall under the asexuality umbrella!

  7. Ramy says:

    I went a year and a couple of months! But my shaker really helped! I actually had to get a new one cos I wore it out!! ?????

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