I’m just going to cut to the chase; if a man cheats on you and he says sorry and you forgive him, you may look like a fool. I’m sorry but it’s true.
Allow me to explain. “I’m sorry” is one of the most misused phrases when it comes to cheating. Almost every cheater arms themselves with one plan of action before they commit the act; say sorry when he gets caught.
Before I go ahead, I should note that I’m not a saint when it comes to relationships. I’m a self-confessed cheater. I’m also choosing to speak about men cheating because I carry a third leg.
Cheating is not a mistake and it never will be. Most cheating scenarios play out in a methodical manner and the process is riddled with carefully laid out plans to avoid detection.
Let’s hang around in the mind of a cheater and walk through the infidelity process, shall we?
A potential Cheater meets a woman, makes a move, obtains her contact information and they start chatting. At some point, the conversations get suggestive and flirty.
They develop the relationship to a point where they both agree to have sex. He needs to make the romping happen so he takes the following steps.
Step one, he goes out and books a hotel room
Step two, he conjures up an excuse to be inaccessible that way, he is not interrupted or disturbed
Step three, they both meet up at a designated time and proceed to the hotel room
Step four, he starts making out with her
Step five, he removes his shoes, his socks, his pants, his shirt and his boxer shorts
Step six, he helps her out of her bra and relieve her of her panties
Step seven, they screw each other’s brains out; round one
Step eight, they take a break and he orders jollof rice, chicken and malt to replenish the energy he’s expelled
Step nine, they screw again; round two
Step ten, they stay in bed and chat a bit
Step eleven, he takes a Cheater’s shower. He can’t go home reeking like sex and he can’t show up smelling like he just took a fresh shower either so he only uses soap around his Rockies
Step twelve, he checks out of the hotel and he goes home to his loving wife to complain about traffic or that meeting which went on for too long.
So tell me, this Mandingo just took twelve major steps all in the name of having his way. Which of the steps is he sorry for when he apologizes to you? The sex or the jollof rice he paid for? Maybe he’s sorry for taking off his socks.
It’s bad enough that a man disrespected his woman when he cheated. It’s worse when he throws up an insincere apology with an explanation.
“I’m sorry, Dear. It was a mistake.”
“I’m sorry, Dear. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I’m sorry. I was in a dark place.”
“I’m sorry, the devil made me do it.”
Yeah, he’s sorry alright and he is regretting his actions. He’s sorry for getting himself caught and he regrets leaving his cell phone out or the slip up which lead to the discovery. The devil did not make him do crap.
Trust me, a cheater plans an apology long before he takes off his socks so the extravagant self-flagellation after he is caught is bull crap.
While we are at it, spare me the forgiveness and Christianity crap. When Jesus was nailed to the cross, He said: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” I hate to break it to you but a cheater knows exactly what he’s doing.
Every time a female friend tells me her man cheated but he said sorry so he regrets his actions, I cringe. I chuckle when I hear some women demand apologies from a man for cheating. What’s the freaking point?
A Cheater’s non-existent sorrow about fooling around is dressed up neatly in an apology. A cheater only says sorry to lessen his guilt.
If you catch a man cheating and he says sorry, here is what you should do. First of all, get him to admit what he got out of the affair.
Did he enjoy the sex?
How many times did he climb the mountain top?
Was he crying when he had the other woman on all fours or was he smacking the waffles and enjoying the view?
Was his ego boosted when she developed the shakes before she disappeared into the clouds?
He loved and enjoyed the sex, every second of it. He still has happy memories of the encounter in that hotel room. Will he admit that? The answer most likely is, No.
No one drives anyone to cheat. One cheats because of the thrill and excitement they get out of it. Cheating involves making a large number of choices all of which serves to please him. I just outlined twelve of those choices for you.
Secondly, don’t tell a cheater he is forgiven when he says sorry even if you plan to stick around. Rather, thank him for allowing you to see who he really is. Thank him and let him know that the one person you counted on does not have your back anymore.
Unless you stop believing that he’s sorry for taking major steps and decisions with another woman, he will cheat again. Don’t forget, the infidelity was not meant to be discovered in the first place.
Ever wonder why the toxic narrative which goes “men will always cheat” never goes away? Part of the reason is most men keep saying sorry and most women keep accepting our bull crap apology.
I’m very sorry if I offended any Cheaters with this article.
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.