Disclaimer: If you take life too seriously, please do not read any further.
Have you noticed that most women stand on their toes, turn halfway and stare at their tushies in a mirror whenever they try on a new outfit?
I’ve never seen a man do that. It will be totally weird for a guy to check his behind in the mirror though. Well, I should say I’ve not seen a man do that but it does not mean “some” men do not.
After checking their tush, some face the mirror and adjust their untouchables. If I had a dime for every time I have seen women go through these motions, I will be very rich by now.
I was once on a date and I happened to be seated right behind a mirror with my date facing me. Getting her to pay attention to me was very difficult so I eventually threw in the towel. You can’t compete with a mirror in this situation and win.
So why do most women check out their behinds in a mirror before they step out? I have asked and most of the responses from my female friends sound something like this; “I just want to make sure I look good and sexy for myself” or “I am checking to make sure the dress fits right.” Yeah, right!!
While these responses may be true in some cases, I will argue that some, if not most women, check because they know men will definitely gaze and admire their back side glory.
Some check to ensure that there is a clear runway to maximize the view. Some are on a mission to mesmerize some innocent poor souls out there.
So, fellas, my message is simple; we are totally screwed!
Do you want to know why we are screwed? Most of us are totally defenseless because God did not design men to shut off our spontaneous biological responses to a luscious tush.
Speaking for myself, I know my only defense mechanism is my legs. My man in the oven is in a frisky state and my brain is in a frenzy. If my legs also betray me and walk over, I am screwed.
Whether we want to or not, most men cannot stop looking at tushies. The male sexuality is just designed to work that way. I am not sure how you can stop men from doing something they can’t stop doing.
The scary part is, most women know we can’t stop looking and they wield the power of the tush like dictators.
So I have to ask; what if God messed up when he created humans?
I wonder whether humans are biologically designed to mate for life or if monogamy is just a cruel joke that someone, perhaps God, took too far.
What if God designed humans such that, every time you enter into a relationship or marriage, your ability to be attracted to others automatically shuts off?
What if God designed humans such that, a married man can only penetrate his wife and vice versa. What kind of a world will that be?
We will definitely not need marriage counselors, divorce lawyers, Steve Harvey, Dr. Phil and I am sure 80% of church pastors will have less work on their hands.
Nope, we are not that lucky. In His infinite wisdom, God gave us free will. I am not complaining about free will or questioning God. I am simply saying, “what if?”
If St. Peter were to allow me through the pearly gates of Heaven, the first action I will take is to lodge a complaint against the Almighty. I doubt if St. Peter will allow me through the gates with all my baggage but hey, you never know.
In my mind, our natural ability to spontaneously react to a delectable tush is a fundamental flaw in how the Almighty designed men.
So before I make it to the complaints department in heaven, I have to throw out a few words of caution to my brothers on how to cope with this situation and behave.
Some women do not mind you admiring them but do not slide into the creepy zone and just stare. To stare at a woman, regardless of how she looks or what she is wearing is actually quite rude.
Practice these 3 steps when an irresistible tush crosses your path; look at it for two seconds (count if you have to), store the image in your coconut, listen to your legs and walk away.
How about a short practice? Try staring at the lovely ladies in my feature picture for 2 seconds only. How did you do?
If you failed, I’m sorry but you are totally screwed!
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.