The Whispers Of 3 Sexual Assault Victims In Ghana & The Men Who Got Away

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The stories of most rape victims play out like the myth of Sisyphus in Greek mythology.

A woman is sexually assaulted by a friend or a relative,  the pain and hurt follows, the fear of reporting it to friends and family sets in, the doubting inquiries of some amplifies the pain and the lack of a clearly defined justice apparatus propels the victims to start rolling a huge boulder up a steep hill alone.

They remembered the precise moment, the shock when the attack began, the horror of losing the fight and having to give in, the pain, his breath, their pleas for him to stop, the agony of waiting for him to finish the attack, the tears, crouching into a fetal position when it ends and the crumbling which follows when he finally leaves.

When the men who assaulted them walked away with barely a slap on the wrist, they learned a heartbreaking lesson; the only way they were going to see justice for the wrongs done to them was to find it themselves.

The sexual assault stories of two of my three friends happened a long time ago but one principle of the past never applies to them;  the principle of a wound healing with time.  They have tried to bury the painful memories but the past always claws its way out.

I did not go in search of accounts of sexual assault from these three close friends of mine.  They shared their stories with me following a Facebook post I put up after one of them told me about an attempted sexual assault on her.

As they shared their painful experiences with me, I could not help but ask if they will allow me to share their whispers with an audience.

Perhaps, their whispers may change the heart of a future rapist and save a victim or two. Perhaps the whispers may reach the lawmakers with the power to bring about change.

Here are their (alleged) stories in their own words. Their identities are hidden for obvious reasons and the names I used are fake. (The chat wallpaper is Lauren Hill if you were wondering)

Today, I chose not to present my words; I chose to present the whispers of the victims whose abusers are walking free among us.

 

Ama – Assault on Knust campus

 

  

 

 

Esi – Assault on Legon Campus

 

 

Adjoa – Assault by a Police Officer

If men were being sexually assaulted every day in a patriarchal society, how will the laws against rape and the punishment for the women who perpetrate this crime look like?

Will we have trained sexual assault detectives, healthcare professionals, rape counselors and rape kits readily available to handle the menace of sexual assault?

Men can stop rape.  Men need to stand up, speak up, support and protect our Queens. The rape culture is a man problem that needs men to speak up.

Politicians and Lawmakers can stop rape. They need to stand up,  speak up on violence against women and enact laws to address the issue.

For now, all the victims have are whispers.  Let’s help them whisper.

NO means NO!

By Kwadjo Panyin

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.

21 Comments

  1. Until it happens to you,you will never understand why cases of sexual abuse are not reported. There is no assurance of confidentiality when reported.Your whole identity will be out the next moment.What hurts most is the stigma attached and the lose thinkers and myth believers finding reasons to blame you for the abuse.Our society is not ready for this.It can not support victims. It’s better to keep quiet to deal with the pain from the abuse than to open up and deal with the society too.

  2. Awful. Thanks for highlighting this. I just saw a post on another site that asked women ‘how old were you when a man first looked at you sexually’ and the responses really make you wonder, and to let people know how young it begins. Do you wonder what your readers would say? I shudder.

  3. Sel says:

    I was there before. And it hasn’t ever been easy

  4. Faustina says:

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  5. Women fear to voice it out cos it’s like nobody is gonna believe u.

  6. Somah says:

    This happened to me in Ghana, but was able to fight him off before he got all the way. Bc myself and my attacker were both foreign nationals, our organization told us not to go to police. We reported to our security and they reported it to government prosecutors who decided not to take the case because I said he did it and he said he didn’t do it. Basically canceling out each other’s word. Unless I had an eye witness or he had been completely successful and I had bodily fluids, they feel as though they don’t want to take it on. Reporting and going through an organization investigation was similar, but wouldn’t have a law based outcome. That was using a panel and even then our word canceled each other out. It was traumatizing to go through and even more to gather my own evidence and then have it mean nothing. Even in the foreign system only a 1 to 2 percent of sexual assaulters are convicted. It’s a world wide problem that is only made worse in Ghana with some of the stigma attached.

  7. Wetin you go find for that boy room? You Don enjoy finish come here dey talk say Im rape u ” these are the words of the police men when a case of rape was reported to them. And that’s how the case closed. Girls in my community dare not speak up or else punished and shamed…

  8. MALIA says:

    IT’S REALLY SAD. HOW THESE LITTLE THINGS ARE OVER LOOKED. IT’S REALLY DISHEARTENING AND WE CAN’T SHARE IT WITH ANYONE. I HAVE MY SISTERS THOUGH. THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. I’M OVER IT. JUST THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE SCARES ME NOW.

  9. The medical profession in Ghana does nothing to help rape victims. Neither the police nor hospitals have rape kits and staff are uncaring. I had to take a 17 year old to the legon hospital with a police medical chit after she was raped and imagine my face when the doctor simply slid on a glove, made her lie down and stuck his fingers into her? His statement was, “ah but she was not a virgin. I managed to get three fingers inside her”. I almost fainted. A medical professional believed that because said girl was not a a virgin (she had been raped and impregnated at age 12 and lost the baby), it was not possible that she had been raped. Her ripped jeans and T-shirt was not enough evidence. Eventually she asked for the case to be dropped and what else could I say?

    Both the police and the hospital failed her. Violating her, slut shaming her, vilifying her when a crime had been committed against HER.

    And we wonder why women (and men) don’t come forward when raped.

    I feel deeply for the women reaching out to you. No one should have to go through this

  10. Ama Mensah says:

    Had goose bumps through out the reading,No means No

  11. We need a lot more education and consciousness – raising. There is a lot of unacceptable physical and mental abuse in our society.

  12. Is it too late for these ladies to get justice? Can a rape victim make a report and get justice in say three years time?

  13. NO definitely means NO, and must be accepted as such.

  14. Very disheartening to read stories like this more so when the “supposed custodians of the law , a police officer” is involved … hmmm
    I pray strength for all these ladies who’ve been through this and I hope we start to cause and make a change as men.

  15. Mehn! The evil men are capable of

  16. Afia says:

    Secrets…. Hmmmm

  17. Sandra says:

    Hmmmmmmm

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