Slip ‘N Slide

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Disclaimer: You will learn absolutely nothing from this piece but hey, if you have 5 minutes to spare, be my guest!  For my overly religious brothers and sisters, I still have lots of love for you but please, spare us both the aggravation by not reading any further.

Lube and I got off to a very bad start. The first time a woman introduced a lubricant during sex, I freaked out! My freaking out was not due to a lube making its maiden appearance into my sex life; I freaked out because she pulled out a half used lube tube. Unfrocking believable! To make matters worse, the label on the tube appeared faded and bits of lube crust flaked off as she opened the lid. Holy Smokes! How long has she had this thing?!

While she was busy getting herself slippery for the slide with the time-worn lube, I was dipping down and shutting down for business.  Let’s just say, the proceedings ended abruptly as I was too perturbed to rise up again.  As I left her, curses replaced the moans I had heard earlier. Yikes! I left an obviously slippery and angry woman hanging and she was not amused. Can you honestly blame a brother for freaking out though?

Lube gets a bad rap in my opinion. Hold on to your bed sheets though; lube is making a comeback! Once surreptitiously stashed away inside a bedside drawer only to surface during those drier-than-thou moments, lube now appears to be emerging from the shadows. Lately, I have been noticing lubes claiming its rightful place next to the Goalies.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to munch but let’s be honest; telling the kitty secrets over and over again can be a lot of work. That said, I have recently witnessed some ladies greasing the kitty with flavored and edible lubes. Talk about spicing up the yummy treats south of the border!

Allow me to pause for a moment and give a shout-out to the genius who invented flavored lube. I must the Gelato Creme Brulee’ flavored lubricant is delish! Bravo!

There seems to be an incorrect assumption that some women do not need to use lubrication. Society sometimes creates a stigma which suggests that they may have a problem. This assertion is ridiculous in my opinion. A woman’s ability to naturally lubricate is a tantalizing sign of arousal; the same way straight up elevations are for men. Who needs lube if one can remain moist throughout the proceedings? However, the notion that women are constantly flooding the kitty with lubrication every time they have sex isn’t based in reality.

Some lucky ones stay slippery throughout the proceedings, however, dry spells do happen in the heat of the moment. There is a myriad of explanations for dry spells and they range from the room conditions, oscillating fans, hormonal changes during the time of the month, the side effects of medications or the woman’s partner not getting her worked up enough.

There is nothing worse than having your proceeding interrupted by friction as a result of dryness. One can cause bruises, pain, and discomfort if care is not taken during the friction. Worse still, friction can cause the goalie to break and you definitely do not want your boys swimming outside the quarantine zone.

I certainly do not shy away from munching to improve the slip and slide conditions. However, munching in-between proceedings can interrupt the flow not to mention sore jaws if one overindulges. We can all agree that both parties hate dryness. If a lubricant makes the sliding feel better, why not use it? Using lube is just like seasoning your food to make it taste better before you eat it. 

I can’t speak for all men but I know most of us will be more than happy to oblige and go along when a woman engages the services of a lube.  In fact, most have experienced the rejuvenation and sudden thrill which comes with a transition from a friction plagued kitty to one which slips and slides effortlessly. The extra slipperiness makes one feel more excited because it mimics the steam caused by a genuine arousal.

Slippery humping is fun humping. If a woman should ask if she can use a lube, what she really means is, “I’m really into having great sex and I want to heighten the experience for both of us.” Who on earth wouldn’t want that?

I hope this gratuitous article helps set you on the path to some slippery fun!

Stay drenched, my friends!

 

By Kwadjo Panyin

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.

2 Comments

  1. Ditta says:

    Stay drenched????😃😃😃 You don’t cease to amaze me….in a good way by the way 😊

  2. Naaku shika says:

    Indeed lubes ain’t bad at all

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