She Said Yes! Invaluable Sight Of A Man In Love

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I absolutely love this Mediterranean restaurant called Zov’s located on a corner down the street from my residence. I discovered Zov’s during one of my leisure walks in the neighborhood. The restaurant offers a unique blend of various Eastern Mediterranean cuisine in an upscale and classy environment. The food is amazing and eating in their open patio area feels heavenly on any lovely evening!

Choices are usually limited for a committed pescatarian like myself. On this occasion, I opted for a simple meal of penne pasta primavera with grilled shrimp over asparagus and a cup of coffee to wash it down. Coffee with dinner sounds a little peculiar, doesn’t it? Oh well! I have had my share of dining alone as a single guy. Every now and then, I like to make this lone dining experience enjoyable.

By the way, should you breeze into an eatery and ever happen to notice a guy having dinner by himself with a laptop, chances are that he is single. Don’t feel shy to walk up to him, say hello and offer to keep him company :).

In-between bites, I checked my Facebook timeline, of course. Ah! my friend Nana Akua just got engaged.  Good for her! Her boyfriend of one year just popped the question. There are lovely pictures of her stunned reaction and the sparkling ring.

As endearing as this moment is, I once again notice one aspect of a marriage proposal most of us miss.

“Will you marry me?” A four worded interrogative sentence that effectuates memories of surprised, excited and overjoyed women accepting an engagement ring from a man.  Proposing to a woman in public has become fairly commonplace in this age.  It has become acceptable, even required in some cases, to share the once personal and private proposal over Facebook and other social media platforms.  Asking someone to marry you is a delicate moment. Turning “the question” into a performance devalues the purpose, I think.

The reaction of the woman and her acceptance is what we all look forward to. How she accepts the proposal or turns it down in some cases, is the subject of discussion. Her reaction or lack thereof captures the undivided attention of invited participants and bystanders alike.

You must be asking by now exactly what is missing in the marriage proposal picture as I stated earlier. Well, here it goes. Think about the marriage proposal pictures you’ve seen anywhere. Which images do you see the most of? More often than not, it is those of the woman’s reaction. Images of her showing off her ring to friends and family, images of the elegant ring on her manicured finger. If the event was not captured live on social media, you are sure to see images of her hand with the ring popping up everywhere online.

The man’s reaction after she accepts quickly dissipates into obscurity in some cases. In my friend’s case, she posted 11 pictures of the proposal and only one picture showed her man clearly; the picture of him on one knee proposing. All other pictures showed him in the background. He was barely visible. Everyone with a camera appeared preoccupied with capturing images of her with the ring and her excitement. In doing so, a very important and rare moment is missed. We miss the invaluable image of a man totally in love.

Quite honestly, marriage is a huge step, perhaps the biggest step in a man’s life. I can divulge from personal experience that men fight the urge to make a commitment. Making a decision to propose to a woman is definitely not an easy one.  After all, most bachelors reside comfortably in a privileged space where they are the center of their own universe.

Almost every man has his set of dating bumps and bruises.  Marriage is always going to be a scary proposition for a man. If a man makes a decision to settle down, he surrenders his freedom totally and he does not hold back. He becomes at peace with the notion that he has to reorient his life around someone else.

A series of changes are set off the instant a man crosses the threshold and totally falls for a woman he wants to propose to. First of all, he is not afraid to go ring shopping anymore. He actually may become obsessed with finding the perfect ring for the occasion. I have been cajoled into ring shopping trips by some women I dated in the past and trust me, I hated every second of that experience. I smiled and went along with it but deep down, I always knew I was not ready.

Secondly, the image of his woman in a wedding dress arouses extreme pride within him. His fear and apprehension of weddings dissipate. I resisted marriage for 8 years after college. I hated weddings and I hated attending wedding ceremonies.  When I made the decision to marry, however, my fear of commitment and weddings disappeared. Without question, I was ready to give up my solo existence and surrender my freedom.

A man in love cannot wait to propose to the woman he wants to marry. He replays the proposal in his mind a million times over, oblivious to how love-struck he is. When the moment arrives, with his heart most likely racing, he gets down on bended knee, a vulnerable position especially if there are spectators in the vicinity. She can still say no and so his poor heart literally palpitates as he proposes. This moment is a rare occasion where the world gets to witness a man truly in love. A moment rarely seen, displayed or captured in public. A moment where a man’s emotional response is at par with that of his elated fiancée. Yet, quite sadly most of us miss this precious moment, I think.

Yes, we are proud of him for taking the bold step to propose. We are happy and excited for him when she accepts but we fail to capture those rare images of a man who is truly in love. Our attention, more often than not, is shifted towards the aura of surprise and excitement from the woman and the ring. In doing so, we miss that phenomenal moment when a man’s capacity to display true love is laid bare for all to see.

By Kwadjo Panyin…

 

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.

2 Comments

  1. Victoria Oni says:

    Beautiful write-up

  2. Ima says:

    Interesting perspective. And I quite agree. I guess it stems from our ‘culture’ of believing men should not express emotions. So what he feels when he proposes is irrelevant. Or maybe we think the proposal is just for the woman…a ‘favour’ from the man, so what he feels doesn’t count. ? It is quite sad really, because a man truly in love is a very beautiful sight.
    Oh…thanks for the laptop tip. ? Is it also the same for females?

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