My Conversation with A Married Woman About Why She Flirts with Other Men

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Over time, an exciting marriage can divulge into one riddled with boring everyday routines. The marriage becomes all about the duplicate routines with the kids, homework, family outings, baby showers, grocery shopping, work, chores, PTA meetings, sex once a month if you are lucky, etc.  So when a cute guy on Facebook or at work suddenly starts checking you out or starts to throw some attention your way, your heart can actually start beating again if you welcome the overtures.

“Oh! Someone is into me. I can still garner some attention from men,” you may say to yourself.

Unlike your hubby, your flirt buddy is anything but boring. After all, there is nothing terribly wrong with a little flirting every now and then. It’s just a harmless game of intrigue and the occasional flirtatious Facebook banter and suggestive texts. Receiving this kind of attention can feel great especially if you have a hubby whose eyes hardly wanders away from the TV, the beer or the food on the dining table. As long as you do not get physical with your flirt buddy, what can it hurt?

A married woman who was once flirting with me on Facebook explained;

“Flirting with you actually helps my marriage. It puts me in a better mood so everyone around me, including my husband, is happy. The sex is manageable because I am fantasizing about you doing me instead of him.”

Interesting response, don’t you think?!

The questions I have been dying to ask married women who flirt goes like this;

“How did another man gain enough access to you to begin flirting in the first place?”

“Who or what gave another man the encouragement or the courage to flirt with you?”

When I was presented with an opportunity to obtain answers to my questions, I seized it. The opportunity came as a result of a video blog I shot on the reasons why one should never send nude pictures to a man. A rather contemptuous discussion with a love interest who shared her nude pictures sparked my interest in the topic.   Following the publication of the video blog, my married friend who happens to be a big fan and an avid reader of my articles, reached out to share her thoughts.

The conversation which occurred over facebook messenger started innocently enough; that is until she disclosed that a man had sent her a picture of his shaft. “Really?” I said to myself. “I need to find out more.” Here is my chance to ask how he managed to get close enough to send such a picture.  I needed to find out why she was talking to such a man in the first place.

Just in case you are curious, I sought permission from my friend to share screenshots of our dialogue. My messages are in blue and her responses are in gray. Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Fascinated by the attention” was the reason my married friend gave me for giving her number to another man. “Most married women are fooling around though…they will not go to the next step, trust me” was another response which generated a myriad of intriguing thoughts for me.

Do some women continue to seek attention or validation after marriage?  Is attention an addiction to some women especially if it is coming from other men other than her husband? Is flirting about the “excitement” as mentioned by my friend? I was curious about how married women help create the environment for men to flirt in the first place.  I ended up with more questions after speaking to my friend. Questions I know I may not find easy answers to.

This article was not written to judge my friend or discuss the morality of married women flirting with other men.  I hope to be married one day so I developed a natural curiosity on the subject given the fact that some married women have flirted with me; mostly on social media.

Flirting makes one feel attractive, needed, there is a hint of playfulness, a lust for life and an expression of one’s libido. Perhaps that is why my married friend was fascinated by the attention from another man. A fascination which caused the man to develop the audacity to send a picture of his shaft to her. Oh well! The quest for answers continues but I am off to a good start.

What are your thoughts on why married women flirt?

 

By Kwadjo Panyin

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.

48 Comments

  1. so tell us “why do married men flirt?”

  2. Every woman wants to be desired; yes even married women. Most men after marraige tend to neglect their wives. Most women also need validation that they are still desirable. When she doesn’t get it from her partner and someone starts giving her that attention she will heed. it happens and it’s happening.

  3. Pretty Naadu says:

    Nice topic any day

  4. John Doe says:

    Why do you make it sound like the man is the only one in the wrong and make it seem like the women was unfortunate to get into such a situation? She asked for it by endulging the man and should be ashamed. If her husband did same (lead another woman on by flirting with) she would cry foul and say he cheated. There’s nothing like harmless fun, of like she said for fun, it’s cheating period. Her attentions, some level of affection (she says she imagines the man sleepin with her when she sleeps with her husband), whether she didn’t take it to a physical level or not, it’s wrong. Physical intimacy is only a fraction of a relationship, most of a relationship is the chatting (in person, or over other means), spending time together in general, the other (important) side of intimacy. Married women should stop thinking of thus as harmless fun, that’s just an excuse to cheat. Sexual intercourse aint the only form of cheating. The non physical aspect of intimacy is why they got married, unless they are implying their husbands are jut their fuck buddies. If the spark is lost in you marriage, talk to you huddy and fix it within your marriage. That’s the right way. All hell will break loose if the husbands did what they did and they found out.

  5. I really don’t see anything wrong with it as long as it doesn’t go beyond that
    Sometimes marriages get so so boring u even forget how u were before
    Men forget that even though u are married.. That little girl is still there inside u…waiting for attention etc
    If u focus so much on other things leaving that one important element laa…the day a diff guy looks her way…oya na gone be that oooo.lol
    It puts u back to life
    U find urself starring in the mirror several times a day and even making attempts to upgrade ur wardrobe
    Women are multiple-demandees
    Don’t fulfill some and leave some

  6. Zuri Harris says:

    I barely comment on these posts but I found the point of view of the author very interesting. I think married women flirting can be looked at in more then one perspective: the first being that of the author “an attention addiction” or the second “neglect”. I think neglect or under appreciation is a big problem in marriages and long term relationships on both sides. We get used to our spouses and doing give them the same attention or compliments we used to in the beginning and forget that they are still human and like to know that they are still loved and desired. I’m not saying that it is right to flirt with people outside your marriage but I know that husband and wives who go home to a spouse that is their best friend and shows them the love that they desire seldom look elsewhere. And always remember it is always better to speak to your spouse first about your feelings of loneliness/lack of excitement then seeking it elsewhere if your spouse loves you they’ll do anything to make sure you feel secure. But great article!!!

  7. Exciting, people hide behind just any excuse to show how lewd, lascivious they themselves are. Flirting, you can decide to be a prostitute!

  8. i leave next door to a bed and breakfast, i have a very good relationship with the guys who manage the place. you’ll be surprised the kind of things i see, it usually happens during the day time, and when they’re done, you can literally see the collective fit of guilt written on their faces. my believe and conclusion from what I’ve seen is more married women are having affairs than the men. some arrive together, some in separate car, some hid their faces, others don’t care. about three of these women are my friends on this platform. this has ruined my trust in women and marriage.

    • Sedi Sed says:

      Mawuli Debley dont let this ruined anything for you,u knw mostly these women who cheat it 2things either thier husband push them to,or 2 a man some where started chating her up which she got interested n hving fun with just like the lady,n didnt knw where to end it,they continue then it to that point,how ever just make sure u chose ur woman ryt. Me as a married woman i get alot of such this soo much,n these things are real men now adays dnt even hve the shame to knw this woman is married,wat i do is i just block u in any means.so please marriage is a beautiful thing chose ryt k

    • Saks Sakyi says:

      Have you witnessed any vehicle accident before? You know of anyone who is recovering from a vehicle accident? Have they made you lose trust in vehicles and using them at all?
      If you’d want three or four women to be the yardstick of your judgement of all women then have a happy life ooooo

    • Nothing new under the sun bruv. Hasty generalizations will just keep you from your rainbow. I know how you feel though…don’t just let someone else’s reggae spoil your blues.

    • Michael Boye says:

      #mawuli debley#Those women complain that man don’t give attention,so no fault about flirt about it they are not married material at all.
      If you can’t continue the relationship just quit in a right way and go forever.
      Mawuli the woman I have to married and she died and buried her last month.Lots of women come to my life half cast name them,but they couldn’t stayed because of their bad character.When we talked about caring that is my food and joke alot.But they talking about money, and what I have that is what I would give.
      They told me she is not for caring but money.I give woman attention because am indoor person after business and so on.
      Mawuli the woman that stole my heart away she is the one died and buried her,planing to married.
      Mawuli I don’t think I can get such women in my life,no one died in my family I cried before including my parents,but this my woman Gladys omg ,I cried like a child as am writing this message am crying.
      She loves me than my biological parents,she is the best woman.And we don’t have children too ,she is a married material.she don’t allow me eat outside.she listen to me and I do the same.Because I tried her in so many ways that previous ladies could not pass half of it.May her soul rest in peace Gladys I would love you till my death . she is not money WOMAN.I don’t see my screen no more with Tears.

  9. Married men experience the same way

  10. Makes very interesting reading……. its so real

  11. there is no excuse. she should hv known better before say “YES I DO” … in the end, most culprits lack the fear of God and eternal damnation for sexual satisfaction. TRUTH

  12. Everyone needs a fantasy life. Not a big deal.

  13. A spoilt woman is a spoilt woman! Some women are just not meant for marriage!

  14. Keep it up bro, very interesting, thought provoking and true write up. We will try and see and recognize the little details which out of our busy schedules we usually ignore or fail to see.

  15. There is no justification for flirting as married man/woman. Ask yourself if that person u are sleeping with aside ur spouse if he/she is not married. If not he/she will b having someone in his/her life. Don’t just allow some opportunists to be taking advantage on ur beauty n dignity all in the of aaaaaahhh my God. Talk to ur spouse n discus how u want it to b done n stop that nonsense it’s immoral..!

  16. Hmmmmmm sometimes women go through a lot oo

  17. Sarah says:

    Hmmmmm not easy oo. After marriage , a lot of things happen. And for men to help make their women happy and get in them, they should still make them feel the worth of being their wife.

  18. Cia Mabuya says:

    I am unmarried and I do not blame married women for flirting. Everybody needs attention and excitement. And yes, me being a woman, and if I was married and flirted, it would not go past that. Now if she is not getting any attention from him then definitely she is not giving him any either. God forbid some woman also starts giving him attention. Now both their backs have turned on each other. Recipe for disaster. And most times, the man might actually take the next step. Just saying. Lol. This issue coming up in marriages is first hand info every couple needs so they avoid it happening in the first place. But first, pray for your marriages. Then secondly, do what you gotta do.

    • Michael Boye says:

      If the man is a broke man and give the woman attention,the woman would complain so women what do you want.If the man is not giving attention don’t flirt behind your man.Just quit the relationship and let your husband or man know.And go for good so her explanation is bad.If she is married material she would not behave this way.

    • Cia Mabuya says:

      Everything is easier said and done. Marriage is not for everyone. A lot is involved that most don’t know about or are not willing to give of themselves spiritually and emotionally. It’s not all sex, sex and sex.

    • Cia Mabuya says:

      Even I was married before, if I knew then what I know now…it probably would have worked out differently. Key word is PROBABLY. P.S. Infidelity didn’t end my marriage. It was lack of love and lack of knowledge of what to do in the case of a crisis. Thing is it’s never gonna be the same the second or third time around. Studies show second marriages and subsequent ones last a shorter time than the first. I guess cause now nobody wants to waste their time if the signs already show it’s going downhill. Then again, all this depends on faith, whether you fight for your marriage or you walk. Love conquers all. If y’all love each other, why not fight?

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