Sex and money; money and sex. Almost every culture on earth becomes engrossed in the pairing of these two subjects and for very good reasons.
Dating and relationships are comprised of a balance of power, leverage, and influence. Money and sex are more than energy sources, they can command attention, power, and leverage. They motivate, attracts and stirs emotions.
It should not come as a surprise to anyone that a man will use money to get the attention of a woman he wants while a woman, knowingly or unknowingly, will use her femininity and sex to reel in a man of her dreams.
The progressive men and women among us cringe and scream that we have it all wrong. Love, some of us will argue, is a matter of deep connection and attraction, not cash and sex.
Those who are liberated are incredulous in their insistence that we should have moved past these dated stereotypes already.
We live in an age of equality and it should matter less who brings home more money, as long as somebody does. It should matter less who approaches who first on the dating scene so long as both partners are happy with their choices.
I am a liberal but I am not oblivious either so allow me to express a voluble articulation of opinions steeped in reality; maybe it’s my own reality but I am going to call a spade a spade.
Many men want sex and will trade money to have it. Many women want security and will trade sex to get it.
The dated stereotypes of men using money as power and women using sex as leverage are actually timeless truths, in my opinion. Just because this assertion is not politically correct doesn’t mean it is not true.
Most, however, have become drunk on the power and influence money and sex brings leading to two standing complaints which are often served up anytime the battle of the sexes is ignited.
Most women constantly grumble that all men want is sex. Most men complain that all women want is money.
Truth be told, these complaints have been hurled around since the beginning of time. I’m merely repeating a known grievance echoed by others before me and others who will come after me.
There is credence to the argument that most men will become irrelevant to women should you take away money. There is also credence to the argument which goes that most women will become irrelevant to a man should you take away sex.
Despite these strong pronouncements, the use of money and sex for power and leverage in relationships shows no signs of decline.
Men will continue to spend money to impress and seduce women. Women, in turn, will continue to spend time and money on their hair, clothes, and makeup to attract men.
There are obvious dangers, of course. A woman who is only impressed by a man’s wallet and possessions will be blinded to his true nature.
A man who flashes cash to charm women during the courtship phase may continue to use the money to establish power over a woman once the relationship is cemented.
Men face two stark realities in life. The first reality is the fact that women control the supply of sex. The second reality is the fact that women know that men want lots of sex and they are gleefully aware that they control our opportunities to get it.
A woman with a strong career, money and sex appeal may pose a threat to some men and the reasoning is quite simple. The man has no power play and little to no leverage to attract a woman who has it all, so to speak.
At this very moment, you must be thinking; “Is this idiot suggesting that without money, a man can’t have a woman he desires?” Before you cast stones, let me explain further.
At the core of becoming successful in relationships is the need to, first, attract the object of your affection. How does a man get a woman to pay attention to him in the first place?
Let’s be honest, how many women do you personally know will roll down their car windows, wink at a guy selling apples by the side of the road and ask for his number?
Even if she finds him attractive, her emotions may not be stirred enough to start a meaningful long-term relationship. A good-looking man may catch a woman’s attention but a man needs more than good looks to attract a woman.
Ironically, most men will have no issues rolling down their windows to hit on a woman they find attractive selling by the side of the road.
Speaking for myself; if I run into an attractive woman in a butcher shop, I will probably say something like; “That bloody apron looks really cool on you. Why don’t you get home, wash all that grime off, slip into a nice dress and meet me for dinner at 8 pm at Honey Suckle.”
Coming from a male standpoint, having disposable money signals financial security for a man. The reality is, most women will not turn in your direction for a long-term relationship if you are not financially secure.
Every time a new love interest asks me what I do for a living, I tell her that I am a school bus driver. Watching their interest in me take a nose dive is a moment I live to relish. That is kind of devious, right?
A woman who is already financially secure will no doubt, consider the financial situation of a love interest before she moves forward with a relationship. She has worked hard to be successful so a hardworking man with ambition and earning potential may be the match she seeks.
A financially strong woman seeking a partner will make herself available at places and events where she can meet men of a certain caliber. Men with strong careers and money hang out at such places.
The last time I checked, dudes selling apples by the side of the road do not go home, strap on a sports jacket and go hang out at a five-star rooftop lounge. A bottle of champagne at one of those joints could cost as much as his yearly earnings.
Allow me to share a more practical reason as to why most men turn to money to attract women. Society places a lot of pressure on men to be the breadwinners. These societal pressures create a heavy sense of responsibility for men to be able to take care of their woman and money does just that.
If a man has money, he will use it to create value for himself and attract women and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Men can’t use the promise of sex to gain a woman’s attention for a long-term relationship. Men do not come equipped with tatas or cleavages to draw a woman’s attention. If money will do the job of turning heads in our direction, most men will use it.
Are there other ways a man can attract a woman without using money? Absolutely! Charm, kindness, intelligence, and generosity are all excellent traits to get women to turn their attention towards you.
However, if a woman is looking to start a family, being financially secure is extremely beneficial in addition to the charisma, kindness and other nice traits.
What good is a poor writer or professor to a woman who needs a man to be a financial partner in life? The charm and intelligence are all good but those traits are not going to pay the bills.
I am not arguing that we should turn to money and sex to turn heads and establish influence; I am just stating the reality as I see it today.
A woman’s currency is her profession, financial success, beauty, charm, and sexuality. A man’s currency is his possessions, his professional and financial success.
In my opinion, a woman who only seeks a financially secure man is not a gold-digger. That label is an unjust misconception. A woman seeking a long-term relationship will rarely have sex with a man just for a few shopping trips and cash. She seeks financial security in addition to love.
For the fellas, I will state that having good looks and a fat wallet will definitely help turn a woman’s head in your direction. However, gaining her initial attention is half the battle.
A man will need to move past becoming a fella with just a fat wallet and good looks. You must have a charming personality to move the relationship past the initial attraction stage.
Money won’t do all the talking for you. Having a charming personality and a brain is actually more conducive to holding a woman’s attention for the long-term.
Let’s switch our attention to women and sex. If there is an area in a relationship women they have total control over, it’s sex.
Some women use sex for power and control and that is a fact. Most women have very good reasons for withholding sex or controlling the supply especially at the beginning of a relationship.
The most insidious reason I can point to has to do with culturing. Men have left countless women in the dust for decades after sex happens so it’s not uncommon for women to be taught from an early age to mistrust men because all they want is sex.
I can’t blame women for conditioning young women to distrust men though. Men are biologically built like an Everyready battery; we are forever ready for sex.
It is pretty clear that sex is the one thing most men can’t live without and we will do pretty much anything to get it.
One can’t blame women from deducing that a man’s true intent for spending lots of cash on her is just for sex. Ironically, women want and need sex as much as men, however, they are cultured to curb their needs during the courtship phase.
Some men use money to assert power in a relationship. We can’t be mad if some women also use sex to assert power in return.
Today, the market value of sexual access has seriously plummeted in my opinion. Sex is so readily available that most men do not have to do much to get some.
Women have caught up to this development so most are taking action to increase the market value of sex to level the playing field. The only way women can achieve balance is to restrict the supply.
In this environment, men will need more money to attract women and women will keep withholding sex as a control mechanism.
Using sex and money as a means of control and power, therefore, is here to stay so get used to it.
Men may wear the trousers in the relationship but women control the zipper.
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.