Marriage; What’s The Point?

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Disclaimer: Today, I chose to share some personal thoughts. Thoughts I hardly let out in the open so some may get offended. Don’t say I did not warn you.

Lately, I have found it extremely difficult to write and publish anything about my deep personal thoughts. I write about the ebb and flow of my love life and my struggles all the time; I just can’t bring myself to publish most of them. Well, today, I am sticking a pin in one of my nagging thoughts.

The average human being has 50,000 thoughts in a day; 60% to 70% of these thoughts are negative.  Personally, my mind races with a lot of negative thoughts about relationships, cynicism about the motives of some people and life.

Like most, I create anxieties for myself in the present by reflecting on the unpleasant memories in my past and worry about the future. Is anyone out there with me on this self-torture?

Truth be told, when it comes to women, I sometimes do not know exactly what I am looking for. I talk about my fondness for skinny women all the time but when asked about other attributes I look for,  I struggle to answer.

You can’t find what you don’t know you are looking for, can you?

I am not afraid to own my weakness in this case. Finding true love is cool and I have no qualms on that front.  It is the connection to marriage which drives me up the wall lately.

I can’t shake the feeling that I have gone about the search all wrong. The search which connects finding someone to love for the purposes of marriage.

Why is the search for love connected with marriage? What is the point of that?  We find ourselves falling in love with someone and immediately connecting the new bond to marriage to secure that love.

If you say to me today, “let’s go get married, what I will hear is; “Let’s go make a mistake.”

Oprah Winfrey has stated publicly that she could not have had the life she has today or built an empire had she gotten married. Her partner of 30 years proposed marriage two decades ago and she decided to postpone the marriage. He never brought up marriage again. He is a wise man, in my opinion.

It’s been 30 years and Oprah and her partner have a formidable relationship based on the freedom to love based on their own rules, mutual respect, independence, and flexibility. They did not need to sign a piece of paper or host a big wedding to have a strong bond for 30 years and counting.

Try having a relationship with a woman these days for more than 5 years without marriage and everyone will be in her ears, telling her that she is wasting her time.

The Oprah’s of the world are rare and of course, I can’t compare myself to her.  However, here is what I know.  Before I got married, I drove a late-model Jaguar.  I got married and found myself cruising around in a 1999 Chevy Trailblazer.  I am no longer married and today, I am pushing a 2017 BMW.

Before you get your panties in a bunch, note that I am not suggesting that one gets to drive a late-model vehicle as a result of not being married. The point I am driving at is, if I want a toy like a late-model beamer, I just go out and get it. When I was married, that would not have been the case.  My point is, marriage is not for everyone.

Another heartburn of mine about marriages is the wedding.  Fellas, you will need your balls screwed on tight to get through this baseless (my opinion) event.

We have to go before God to tie the knot and that is cool and all. However, the exchanging of vows part takes a back seat in an average white wedding today.

That one weekend in your life can cost more than a college education. The average exclusive weekend wedding costs anywhere from $15,000 to $30,000 according to friends who recently had theirs. All that cash to throw an ego parade for you and your girl? I could buy a car, save the money towards buying a house or start a business with that kind of dough.

The weekend long party, of course, consists of elaborate wedding invitations, flowers, some cakes, a D.J., a wedding dress, the rings, dressing up the wedding party, the photography, the videos, the pre-wedding parties, the big reception, the decorations, the limousines and whatever the heck I am missing.

“Honey, how about we start our married life with a big bill or a huge credit card debt?”

“Sure, sounds like an excellent idea!”

“Better yet, let’s use all of our life savings for a weekend shindig and start all over again.”

Almost every family member or friend who had a wedding approached me for a loan. What’s the point?  If I have to get married, I will gladly spend a ton of cash on a meaningful and colorful traditional engagement ceremony over a white wedding.

What really sucks is that a wedding does not strengthen your relationship in any way. All you did was have a big expensive weekend party.  Can someone please tell me how dressing up, saying a few magic words and spending thousands of dollars on a party helps you to bond?

Like I said in the beginning, these are my rambling thoughts. We all get crazy thoughts so judge not. I am sure some of you have fantasized about ghosting your boss at work or an annoying co-worker.  Some of you have had thoughts today about boning a married co-worker or a neighbor so please, spare me the righteousness talk.

My thoughts today screams; “screw marriage!” Who knows, I may be thinking about shopping for an engagement ring tomorrow.

Today, I come and go as I please.  Once I get married, my wife will ask more questions about my whereabouts like a CIA agent. I look at my married brothers and they have less freedom than a Guantanamo Bay prisoner.

At least, being a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay, you may have some hope that you may be freed and shipped off to Ghana one day.

If you’re married, I’m sorry, but Seal Team Six is not coming to get you. Your behind is serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole!

I used 45,000 of my 50,000 thoughts today to rail on marriage.  It’s time to use my remaining 5000 thoughts to figure out how I can persuade a woman to be my companion for the next 30 years without marriage.

Brain to self: Sure, Kwadjo! Good luck finding that woman!

By Kwadjo Panyin

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.

76 Comments

  1. Sunny Nnoli says:

    In the beginning, it was not so. they may have started out wrongly

  2. Nii Croffie says:

    Really think the best statement ever made on marriage was the Kenyan couple that got married in t-shirts and jeans. Wedding Planners got so scared they offered them a super free dream wedding. If we focus on whats important $500 would be the wedding budget!

  3. Aba says:

    My take on what the point of marriage is:

    I’ve learned that life is basically about the relationships we have with people. After going to school, working and all that Jazz, I ask myself, ‘so what’s the point of all this?’ I get a degree, and then what? I make money, and then what? I go on vacation and wear all my expensive clothes, and then what? Nothing gives me satisfaction than to spend time in relationship with others and loving them to the best of my abilities, without expecting anything in return.

    With this being said, I think marriage provides a great avenue to do that. I’m not married yet, but I expect to go into marriage to serve and love my spouse. I am a practising Christian, so that gives purpose to me. So if I love and serve my spouse, it’s as unto the Lord. Makes sense?

    I think that marriage becomes a prison when both people go into the marriage looking for what they can get out of it, rather than what they can put into it. For example…the woman may want to know the whereabouts of her husband at all times because she fears he will cheat on her. She wants the security of knowing he is too in love with her to cheat, or that she is the most beautiful woman and no other woman should be able to get his attention. Now I most definitely do not want a cheating husband, but if a guy ever cheats on me, I know who I am in myself and don’t need his validation. So, his cheating becomes his own offense to himself, his OWN problem, not mine.

    A single life is great because you live your whole life by your own terms; you barely ever have to answer to anyone. Married life, with the right spouse (emphasis on this), can be great too because you have someone to share God’s idea of love with, someone to share your victories and your lows with. Sadly, marriage has become the next stage to achieve after graduating and landing an awesome job, and people hardly ever stop to think about the purpose of the marriage their getting into.

  4. God bless you for this piece. I’d rather have a quiet traditional wedding and go start a life with my husband. I have attended weddings of friends and loved ones and believe you me, I hate the stress that goes with the white wedding thing. Ha!! I just want peace please.

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