“Marriage-Material” May No Longer Be A Compliment – A Male Perspective

Marriage; What’s The Point?
August 3, 2017
Don’t Underestimate The Value Of Shitor To Bachelors
August 6, 2017

I was having a relaxing Saturday evening lounging on my couch with a glass of Chardonnay until Efe Plange ruined it all for me.  Not cool, Efe, not cool at all!

Scrolling through my timeline, I came across Efe’s article titled “Marriage-Material” May No Longer Be A Compliment.  After reading it twice, I grabbed my laptop and headed to a coffee shop to write a response.

Efe’s original article can be found here:

“Marriage-Material” May No Longer Be A Compliment

Please try to read the original article before reading or commenting on my response.  Efe has eloquently stated her opinions about what men and society consider as “marriage-material.  I felt it necessary to state my thoughts and views on this subject from a male’s perspective. I also speak from the standpoint of a bachelor who is in a position to settle on a woman and get married in the near future. (Did I say that out loud?)

Efe writes and I quote; “Majority of society believe that there are indeed two kinds of women: those we only date (whores)and those we ‘honor’ through marriage (marriage-worthy). What this loosely translates into is that, this same majority agree or think that it is okay for some women to be deceived, disrespected, hurt, abused emotionally, physically and psychologically, and then the opposite of such treatment reserved for the ones we marry.”

I totally agree that there are two kinds of women in the relationship space as described by Efe. There is definitely a notable issue with men who date some women just for short-term gains only to marry another they believe is more worthy as a wife.

I will, however, argue that the choices men have to make between the two kinds of women are not always as clear-cut or definite.  In essence, an evolved man can bring both kinds of women home to meet his family and proceed with the marriage.

As brutally clichéd as this may sound, I truly believe that both kinds of women can be “marriage-material” and the terminology itself does not make sense to most men who are evolved in the 21st century.

A man may recognize the “whores,” so to speak as well as the conservative or marriage-worthy kind of women, however, he does not automatically turn to the marriage-worthy woman to ask for her hand in marriage.  Allow me to elaborate on my point.

First of all, most evolved men recognize that we live in a far more advanced age. Gone were the days when you could not have a boyfriend until you were 24 or 25 years of age. It’s 2017 and it is acceptable for women to start dating at the age of 18. That said,  more women will most likely have multiple sex partners before they meet their ideal husband years later.

Given this fact, the chances of women being exposed to partners who deceive, disrespect and hurt them emotionally increases.  It is certainly true that some women choose a lifestyle which exposes them to abuse but the majority fall victim to the lustful ways of some men.

Most evolved men of today are more understanding and accepting of women who have been disrespected, hurt, abused emotionally and physiologically.

Drawing on my own experiences, I continue to meet women as young as 23 with 3 to 5 sexual partners already on their resumes.  Some men may believe that it’s okay to abuse young and vulnerable women or exploit them for their needs and render them not suitable for marriage.

There is a majority of other men out there, however, myself included, who believe that these women are victimized and should not be punished and labeled as not suitable for marriage.

The women who escape victimization and receive better treatment from men are not always the ones most men reserve for marriage.

“Most men are not marrying the love of their lives, they are marrying an idea of a wife.”

This quote was a line in Efe’s article I wanted to explore and discuss after I read it.  I understand the notion of marrying an “idea” of a wife but I want to state that the reference to men looking for an “already-made” woman is only true to a certain extent.  Some of us do not look at the ideal women in terms of an “idea.”  We view the ideal woman in terms of attributes we will like to see or experience.

On a recent trip to Ghana, I met with a group of fellow bachelors for a night out on the town. It was a mixed group of guys who live abroad and some who live in Ghana. The major topic of discussion that evening was women; no surprises there.

Over dinner, we had a serious discussion about where to find the “ideal” wife. The discussion somehow veered into the qualities and attributes we look for in women we want to marry.  I should mention that this discussion was being held by a group of evolved men.

By the end of the discussion, we all agreed on the three key attributes we found relevant in an ideal woman we want to marry.  The three attributes were:

Women we can have amazing and frequent sex with.

Women who can offer us a peace of mind.

Independent women.

Let’s take a look at sex first. One cannot underestimate the important role sex plays in a marriage to a man. I am not referring to the routine regular type of sex either; I am talking about the ability to be spontaneous, adventurous in some cases and keeping an open mind.

Most men understand that sex in a marriage with one person can become mundane after several years.  A woman’s ability to be opened minded about spicing up the marriage sex is, therefore, a key attribute for my friends and I.

On a personal note, I have met women who slept with me within hours of our first meeting. There was a woman I went to pick up for a date and we never made it out of her apartment that night before her clothes came off.  Even though the sex was amazing, I remember thinking to myself; this is not the type of girl I want to marry.

On the other hand, I also dated a “God-fearing” conservative women who was sweet and good to me. The trouble was, our sex life was crappy.  I wanted sex all the time and I wanted us to be spontaneous but all the planets had to align properly before she will agree to have sex.

She will not have sex with me on Sundays either. It was ridiculous!  I missed church one Sunday and the week after, she was never in the mood to have sex because she was mad at me for missing church. I thought to myself, I can never marry a girl like that.

It goes without saying that a man believes he has hit the jackpot should he find a woman he can have amazing sex with, a woman who will give him his peace of mind and is also very independent.

Going back to my earlier discussion, the datable women or whores, in my opinion, make better marriage sex partners over the conservative “God-fearing” ones.

A peace of mind means different things to different men. Speaking generally, if you leave things up to a man, he will be very much okay with the simple things in life. Men are simple creatures contrary to popular beliefs and in most marriages, men want the bare minimum.

For us, everything is black and white and life is seamless until the simple pleasures we enjoy is destabilized. A woman typically brings emotions to a man’s life and there is nothing wrong with that.  However, being highly emotional is something most men do not understand very well and his peace of mind can be poached.

The brain of a man is wired differently and we compartmentalize situations in life.  Women are very much like a web and they connect everything and everything has to have a meaning.

For example, a man may be used to watching the football game on Sunday afternoons. If a woman complains during the game the man is paying more attention to the game instead of her, his peace of mind goes out the window.

Independence in a woman is sexy to most evolved men.  An independent woman may also mean different things to different men but the characteristics are the same. (I am sure Efe will smile after reading the next statement). An evolved man sees an independent woman as an individual person with her own thoughts and feelings.

An independent woman does not need a man or anyone for that matter, to speak for her.  She is confident with her own voice, stance in life, her choices, needs and she is not shy about letting herself be heard.

An evolved man knows that relationships aren’t about spending all the time with someone who follows your lead and constantly agrees with you. He knows that finding a woman who is a partner in life will make him a better person and open his eyes to new perspectives.

Personally, I look for an independent woman who is self-reliant, a strong-minded free thinker and someone who is open to traveling the world with me and learning about different cultures.

Efe’s article is food for thought for those of us who believe this social injustice towards women is prevalent and needs to be discussed in today’s society.

There is always room for improvement for both parties and I am a firm believer in that statement.

By Kwadjo Panyin

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.

99 Comments

  1. Lyza says:

    This article has been an eye opener for me. Many people these days are complaining about their partners and yet they are the one’s who chose them for whatever qualities they saw as important.
    Every relationship should therefore be a learning experience and you should leave it knowing what qualities you want in a partner and which one’s you cannot stand. Complaining does not help any of the parties in a relationship.

  2. Kwadjo Panyin after reading this article I am convinced that there’s no such thing as an evolved man. What’s the point of labelling yourself as different from the rest if you conform to the old simplistic ideas e.g that a woman’s number of sexual partners at age 23 (or any other age) matters? And then there’s the part about labelling a woman as ‘not independent’ or ‘nagging’ because she’s in touch with her emotional side. I’m sorry to say this but these are ideals that men have always held on to even traditionally. There’s no such thing as an evolved man if that is the way they view women because that is how women have always been viewed.

    • Hi, thanks for reading the article and I appreciate your thoughtful response. All my readers hear these words from me: I am always willing to be wrong so I welcome all reactions and I thank you for yours. I did quite a bit of research on what it means to be an evolved man and the terminology is not one I created. Below, I share a link from one of my articles. You do bring up a good point; why label yourself as evolved when you still conform to the old simplistic ideas? As a stand alone statement, I absolutely agree with you. However, given the example which you cited from my article, you misunderstood my intent and I wanted to clarify. I did not cite the number of sexual partners by age 23 as a measure for men or as an entity which matters. I stated that number to drive home the point to men not to expect women not to enter our lives without a history of heartbreaks or abuse. I tied this point to the fact that we are no longer living in the 80s where it was highly unusual for a 23 year old to have a boyfriend before she reached the age of 25. I grew up in the 80s and having one, let alone multiple boyfriends by 23 was unheard of. If there was such a woman, she will be labeled as an outcast. We live in an age now where women can start dating in my home county as young and 17 or 18 and it is accepted. Given the lustful ways of some men, it is therefore possible that a woman who enters the dating scene earlier may have a history with multiple men vs one who enters the dating scene late. On the part about labeling, I did not mention or discuss women as not independent. I did not use the word nagging but you may be referring to the line about a woman complaining about a lack of attention while the man is watching a game? Is that it? I did not connect any of my assertions to a woman in or not in touch with her emotional side. I used an independent woman in the context of the acceptance by men of a woman for her individuality. I stand by the evolved man label because as a man, I have met others whose thinking and treatment of women is still reflective of the stone ages. Again, thanks for you comment! https://bryanreeves.com/6-things-an-evolved-man-wants-from-a-woman @Bernadette Shirley

    • Tbh I switched off the moment you mentioned the bit about a woman being unmarriageable because she slept with you on the first day. Most of your article talks about how you want a woman who is sexually spontaneous. You want a woman who is sexually liberated but can’t forgive her for having sex with you on the first date?

    • Bernadette Shirley Let me start by saying that I use my blog to point out relationship anomalies using my own mistakes, missteps and flaws in my own life. I noticed you moved away to a different point I made which displeased you. My aim as always is to clarify, not defend my actions or thoughts. There is more to the same day sex story but as I have pointed out to others, the details was not needed as I used that as an example to prove a point. My thoughts and decisions are not perfect and anyone is free to disagree with me. It’s okay to be angry or unhappy about my decision about the woman in the first day sex. My point with the first-day sex experience vs the conservative woman was to drive home the idea that men can find both kinds of women suitable or not suitable for marriage. The first day sex was not used as a standard per se, I was making the point that one can also label a God-fearing woman as not suitable for marriage. It was not about forgiveness either for having sex with me on day one. Again, I ask that you do not miss the main point by cherry picking particular words or phrases used to prove a larger point. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate the debate as always.

  3. Nii Cdore says:

    Interesting counter views with some nuggets of wisdom. I enjoyed reading it. thanks

  4. Nii Croffie says:

    Classifying women as whores or wife material is as much a problem as classifying men as brutes and “evolved” (another word for eligible bachelor) I presume.
    I always ask people about what they mean by Mr/Miss Right. That is really the problem. It is the romantic notion that one person has to live up to so they are considered marriageable. Kwadwo Panin has his, Efe Plange hers, and I have mine. For me it is one who believes God loves her, loves herself and believe her neighbor loves her especially me. That I can live with a wide range of body types and skin shades but that is my criteria.
    If that is the truth then it is a simple demand and supply.
    When you meet someone you lay your chips on the table as to what you want and negotiate what you can provide. You are actually selling yourself by dating so thinking about what the other person wants is much better than what you want here. Are you ready to make the compromises? For me I have had a feel of the acid tongue of a feminist and I am in no way going to entertain a competitive woman who thinks all men are out to get her.
    Someone wants that too. So either you trim yourself to fit or stay single.
    The French are very wise in this. They negotiate and sign a contract before marriage. Dont think you dont.

  5. Thanks Kwadwo. Good read as always. I signed up for that bachelors outing but couldn’t make it. Anyway, u re re 100% right on all three items on an evolved man’s checklist. An ‘needy’ one I can’t stand, an emotional wreck, oh Lord same me.

  6. I agree with you..I liked the last part best…

  7. Anie Wallace says:

    Hmmmmm this article gives a lot to think about. Interesting..

  8. Manye Aforo says:

    Let me grab a table and a chair and read.

    #BRB

  9. Awura Adjoa says:

    Women truly needs to be independent, there is this community that I know of,the women sorely depends on the man for emotional and financial support. I keep telling myself that without adding value to myself no marriage, I don’t want to be a burden to anyone especially my future husband.

  10. An evolved man needs an evolved woman I think that was missing in the article.but can we have an evolved woman ???knowing very well women are totally different from men emotionally and even physically.what a man will say let it pass a women may say Hell No.Ur personal experience got me laughing lol whatsup with the women that had 2 to 3 multiple partners n they where cool to present it as their resume. Most girls with a resume like that got married quickly and virgins remained vegans(meaning got married later or not) cos some stick to making the right alignment (marriage before sex) .but comparing Efe write up to this I think Efe own is more like Stop the Abuse of women n make them all marriage materials instead of whores vrs Marriage mat.But I beg to differ even with materials we have GTP n high target …so we will always have grade.Perhaps Mr Payin introduce us a new man that is the evolved man an evolved woman with 3 good qualities I guess,then the regular man and woman who wants marry as an idea of a marriage #in all I enjoyed reading his articles.

  11. I enjoy reading your articles

  12. Amber Nuella says:

    Food for thought✌
    Thanks bruh

  13. Bibi Naa says:

    Solomon Appiah-Kubi
    Obaa Yaa Asantewaa Mensah

    • lol…..I have read Efe’s article and like #Panyin I have given it to her-my piece of advice. I hope it makes her day.

    • Given what to who Solomon Appiah-Kubi

    • Yaa, I gave my own piece of advice to Ms. Efe Plange, I’m pretty sure when you open up her article. you’re likely to find my comment and I know most women like Naa would disagree like always but like always, I also hold my views and once I’m not the only one saying it but any other ‘models’ also are, I am encourage to hold on to my views.

    • Solomon Appiah-Kubi I loved her article and I think she’s right and at the same time may be wrong too.
      However come from the perspective of a guy, I like the response Kwojo gave

    • Reading #Panyin’s article, I soo love it. That is what the ideal man will do and also search for and I hop Naa saw he 3 attributes that were stated to be the indicators men tick and hence label you as a marriage material.
      Well, #Efe and her kinda women can write their articles till Jesus come. As long as men have and still hold the ‘choosing powers’, you can force them that to dance to their tune. It’s sad maybe, buh yea, it is what it is.

    • Yaa, I think #Efe is completely wrong. I know Naa, would disagree but #Efe is one lazy girl who doesn’t wana develop some values. Instead, she wana go around having fun and mess up and yet seems to think she still merits some treatment. Who eats her cake and have it back.
      Remember ‘a king who always announces his kingship is no king at all’-#GOT.
      Taking cue from this, #Efe does not need to announce her individuality and modernity or whatever. Leave it to the man to decide. If you deserve it, you won’t ask for it, he will beg to even beg it to you when you have not even demanded.
      Again, her foundational perceptions are just frivolous of a sort.

      • Maame says:

        Always amazed at how easily people are able to draw firm conclusions about someone they probably have never met, just by read a single blog post. It’s alright if you do not agree with her, no one is required to. But stop the name calling. “Lazy? “Doesn’t wanna develop some values”? Kindly get off your high horse with your ‘choosing powers’.

    • Bibi Naa says:

      Solomon Appiah-Kubi I haven’t even read the article mpo o😂😂

    • Lol…..then go and read wai

    • Bibi Naa says:

      But hey, Solomon Appiah-Kubi. What is wrong with her article? I have read it severally and I cudn’t agree any less… Y should marriage be seen as favor or reward……it’s not and it will never be… With this backward mentality of doing women a favor when “married” 😎😎no wonder people marry for the wrong reasons and just cause its a “favor” women are losing their own “lives” in a quest to get married…..

      Notwithstanding the above, a woman should know how to keep a home….( think of whatever she can do to keep a home)

    • Wen u sacrificed the clubbing and slpn over in ur bf’s room to learn and earned urself a 1st class n consequently getting urself a good job with a fat whooping salary, did ur boss do u a favour by giving u the job?

      If no, y du u think when a woman has set herself apart to develop herself and have become outstanding in attitude, and a man, finding her DESERVING marries her, why do u find that as a favour?

      No1 is doing any1 a favour. The lady deserved it cuz she worked to earn it.

    • Bibi Naa says:

      Deserving kinda agree

    • So i always tell u derz nothing like favour. She deserves it and she got it.

      Now wen u re the exact opposite of of this kinda gal.

      Dnt think you deserve anyfn. YOU DON’T! And don’t even think of demanding for it.

      You enjoyed in the past and subsequently took urself out of the leaque of good women.

      #Stonebuoy would better explain this.

    • Solomon Appiah-Kubi there has been situations where some men have married based on Efe’s views and same applies to Panyin’s article. They both ain’t totally wrong. Based on individuality. But culture always win so Efe is kinda right

    • Situations where men have married in Ghana, Africa based on Efe’s ideas n it has succeeded?

      A woman who cleans when she wants to and is not a habitual cook?

      Wow, i hope to meet that man soon.

    • Bibi Naa says:

      U should do all that for fun

    • Do all……???
      Waz da all n wch is da fun?

    • Bibi Naa says:

      Cooking cleaning ND others

    • Do cooking n cleanin for fun.

      Wen u live wd me who gets iches wen i step in sand granules, dn u tell me u wana clean for fun.

    • But you don’t marry because she’s your maid?
      She’s just saying she doesn’t enjoy doing them though she does it. So see she hopes people see her first to be the individual she is before seeing her as a wife material.
      I don’t think you understand her perspective. You are a guy dude, I don’t expect you to 🙂

    • Solomon Appiah-Kubi go and sleep

    • Well, ur duty/character (istics) defines you as an individual.
      No one sees you wen we cnt seem to find an adjective to qualify you.

      You are called by what you do.
      Devoid of adjectives, you are a no thing.

      So she still has no point.
      When God created man, his individuality was based on the various duties assigned to him and so was Eve, his compliment. So why would one want to be set aside the very description that defines him/her.

    • Bibi Naa says:

      And who made cooking a characteristic of a woman if not society….

    • Bibi Naa says:

      I think Efe is trying to call on societies to at least see the other way(s) to it…. There’s no problem with a woman cooking but when her worth as a human being(woman) is dependent on house chores hence the title “wifey material”… There’s a cause for alarm….

    • Did your mum or uncle did teach you to play with cans in the sand trying to prepare food in your childhood days?

      Some things are innate.
      Society has nothing to do with it.
      God pushed down those in the hearts on mankind.

    • Nana Pomaah says:

      Solomon Appiah-Kubi we do that because that is what we see. If you are brought up in a home where you mother does another thing, the possibility of you doing that is high.
      All these are societal things we have become used to but that doesn’t mean all of them are right for us now

    • Pomaah, kindly do a lil exercise for me. Ask yourself who taught your mum and who taught her mum and her mum and her mum and do this till you get to the prolly first woman and ask, you taught her it is her duty to feed her man.

    • Nana Pomaah says:

      One mother taught a other potential mother. I don’t need to ask to know that because that is what I said in my first post. What you chose not to see was the other part of my post my dear.

    • I honestly get you, Pomaah, but I also want to prove to you, it’s not only because you saw your mum do it. When you saw her do it, it only resounded and confirmed what is already registered in your subconscious mind.
      No body taught Eve she had to cook for Adam, so how did she know?
      Well, unless you don’t know she did, which I would be glad to show you and even more.

    • Nana Pomaah says:

      It’s was only fair for Eva to prepare the food stuff Adam gathered because he will be tired after that. But fast forward to now .. things are different. Both man and woman go out and gather so it’s only fair if we both adjust to suit this lifestyle. So for any child growing up in such a home, what you call a woman’s and man’s responsibility will be different but still right!

    • This is where error sets in. Who feel it’s ok to change the laws/conventions of God cuz because of modernity. And I do not refer to cooking alone. It includes allll things that women think, things have change so we cnt have the old ways again.

      Im not also saying when a man cooks, it’s evil. But some things should be understood better. The fact that I help you do somethings does not make it my shared duty.

    • Bibi Naa says:

      Solomon Appiah-Kubi stop directing us to Akuas posts… Hmph

    • Bibi Naa says:

      It doesn’t twi… I think y getting it all wrong and u just wanna make itself happy by redirecting us.. Lol

    • Saaa nso na wob3ka na de3n biom.

    • Nana Pomaah says:

      My dear if things were that easy am sure the world would be a much better place and women in particular would be the happiest. The laws and conventions have been set by human beings inspired by thier God in thier time. Most of what was done then can’t be done now. Even many Christians live by the new testament. So some things must be understood according to our time and our season. Not to say that we scrap our old ways but adjust to suit our needs now.
      We can have this discussion all day but at the end it all comes down to what we all want for ourselves and that I believe is specific to each human being.

  14. Very interesting indeed….amazing analysis of both sex hmmmm food for thought

  15. Kwadjo Panyin put things into proper perspective. His scenarios are one that can really relate especially to men. I read Efe’s and I think she was trying to delve into an unknown area. An area only men really understands properly so it’s good we had Kwadwo throwing more light on the topic. I can align more to his.

  16. Well from my perspective I’d say efe stared the points clear, for it is the truth about societies mindset of women laid bare, but the comeback by kojo just made things clearer, yes they two kinds of women, but the one that gets married to, totally depends on what a man wants in a woman not how society looks at her, as at now I should be married but there are a few things I find troubling about most of the women I meet, thanks so much for the insight kojo and efe ,you guys are doing a great job.

  17. You have sex on a first date and that makes the woman not marriage material, but you think you are? This is the evolved man’s position? The number of sex partners a woman has before 23 matters, but not a man’s? Really?

    • I was in 2 minds as to whether the article was worth reading based on the source… Then I tea your comment, and decided my blue mountain coffee deserved a better a companion for my morning ritual!

    • Please read it, would like to know what you think…

    • Freda Tanyo says:

      Thank you! You nailed it

    • And I thought all men think the same way. Mmmmm😃

    • Suzzette, I think a lot of men have no clue about the complexity and individuality of women’s lives. I won’t pretend to know the answer either.

    • Stop making assumptions Kofi Blankson Ocansey where did he say he was a marriage material? He said his peace of mind. If you don’t agree you get a blog or probably counter it with yours full detailed… And besides where did he say the number of sex partners of a woman before 23 matters? 😏😏😏

    • Anane, I don’t debate where there’s no agreement on what the text reveals.

    • And you sure you know what the text reveals? Cos if u did you wouldn’t have posted your earlier statement here 😏😏😏 Kofi Blankson Ocansey

    • Anane, live with your reading, I’ll live with mine.

    • Achiaa says:

      Thank you, Kofi. My thoughts exactly. The evolved man really wouldn’t judge a woman for a behaviour he himself exhibited on a first date. That’s the point of Efe’s article exactly.

    • Nana Pomaah says:

      Kwadjo Panyin what do you have to say??? Because if first day sex was the standard then you don’t qualify either!

    • Nana Pomaah I think the main point I am making was totally missed by the first gentleman who commented. First of all, the article i responded to purported some men and society view women who have been abused and cheated on or neglected as not suitable for marriage. These women continue to be used by men for short term gains because they are easy to sleep with/abused or they have chosen a lifestyle where men will just want to sleep with them but not marry them. The article further stated that the opposite is true for a group of women men deem as marriage material. These women are treated better and not used for short term needs. My point with the first-day sex experience vs the conservative woman was to drive home the point that men can find both kinds of women suitable or not suitable for marriage. The first day sex was not used as a standard per se, I was making the point that I can also label a God-fearing woman as not suitable for marriage. I will like for you to think beyond the lines and consider my larger point; a man will marry whoever makes him feel comfortable regardless of their history or societal labels Kofi Blankson Ocansey Anane Koranteng Thanks for reading and commenting and I do encourage debate and different views. I only ask that all read the article first and keep an open mind. On my part, I am always willing to be wrong so all comments are welcome with the exception of those who choose to use insulting words

    • Kwadjo Panyin: I’m just curious – I think there is quite a bit that is problematic with your set-up even as you elaborate it here, but I don’t really want to spend too much time on this – but I’m curious about this one point. You meet a woman who responds to your charm and you respond to hers, all the way to having sex on your first meeting… you don’t even get out of her apartment, and after you get what you want, you render a moral judgement about her fitness for marriage, don’t you think you need to issue a warning to women of this kind? Something like a cigarette pack health warning… “This man will consider you unfit for marriage if you make yourself available for sex on a first date”?

    • Suzzette Sappor thank God they don’t 😃😃😃

    • Kofi Blankson Ocansey Sir, I appreciate your tireless effort to point out the fact that I made a misjudgment because of the same day sex. Again, that is your prerogative and I am totally okay with that. My blogs are filled with personal mistakes I’ve made over the years so your crusade to prove the point of my misjudgment is well noted. I am sure they are many, perhaps you are one of them, who are perfect and do not make mistakes hence relentlessly try to prove others wrong. If you will note, I went into more details with the God fearing woman with whom
      i drew the same conclusion as the lady I was with the same day. There is more to the same day sex but details was not needed as that is not the centerpiece of my argument. Again, permit me to direct you to the premise of the point because you keep going down a rabbit hole with my judgement. The point is, whether I misjudged the two women or not, I drew a conclusion that both are not women I personally want to marry. The key word here is personally as someone else may have drawn a different conclusion. Thanks again for your comments

    • Nana Pomaah you are absolutely right. I do not qualify if that is my standard. The point of the article is not about my misjudgment though. I am perfectly okay with anyone who states that I made a mistake and there is more to the story that I did not share because it had nothing to do with the core of my argument. The point o wanted to drive at is I made the same conclusions on both kinds of women

    • That’s the risk you take with writing, isn’t it? These awkward rabbit holes. Not tireless… I was only being polite in responding to a direct mention of my name… Thanks for your forbearance …

    • Kofi Blankson Ocansey no worries, Sir. I appreciate the debate and your support. Thanks again

    • Kwadjo Panyin after reading this article I am convinced that there’s no such thing as an evolved man. What’s the point of labelling yourself as different from the rest if you conform to the old simplistic ideas e.g that a woman’s number of sexual partners at age 23 (or any other age) matters? And then there’s the part about labelling a woman as ‘not independent’ or ‘nagging’ because she’s in touch with her emotional side. I’m sorry to say this but these are ideals that men have always held on to even traditionally. There’s no such thing as an evolved man if that is the way they view women because that is how women have always been viewed.

  18. I agree with efe most because I hate that term “wife-material” ….I feel its a kind of trap or slavery women have to go through before they are married…and true..I would want someone to Marty me because they like me as an individual..not what I do that makes me a wife material

  19. Amazing & well explained article Kojo I really enjoyed reading it.
    Much education.
    Thanks bruh

  20. Faith says:

    I just love this

  21. I read Efe’s article and I will tend to differ a bit. Growing up, the girls that were termed as “whores” where the ones who got better husbands compared to the “wife materials” in fact most wife materials I know never got married early. Kwadjo’s explanation on what men need in a wife is not far from the truth. But most men get threatened by independent women

    • Kwame Agoogi says:

      Not true. Most “evolved” Men rather seek independent women. That’s the way a man also gets his independence (peace of mind)

    • Nana Pomaah says:

      You speak some truth my dear. They ask for independence but then try to fit you into thier definition of independence.

    • If you read the article, I chose to use the word “evolved” for the type of men who appreciate independent women. An evolved man is not threatened by an independent woman, he actively searches for one. Secondly, an evolved man does not subscribe to dependence so he does not have a definition of independence he wants his woman to fit it. Speaking for myself, I seek an independent woman whom I can learn from and who can expose me to different perspectives in life. if that is my goal, fitting an independent woman into my definition of independent will not make sense. As always, thanks for reading and for your comments. Nana Pomaah @Nteke Marvy Mphon

  22. This is the second time am reading from you. Am already a fan. Our society needs evolved men as well as our women need to be mentally independent.

  23. Omolade Oni says:

    He said……
    She said…….

  24. This sounds good since I just read Efe Plange perspective..lol

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