While the cool people of the social media world have mostly migrated to other platforms like Instagram and Snapchat, there are still those of us stragglers who still have an undying love for Facebook.
Raise your hand if you spend too much time on Facebook and are also guilty of over sharing. Both of my hands just went high up. I’m guilty as charged.
Sure, some of us spend a little too much time on Facebook but Zuckerberg’s brainchild has changed our lives for the better for the most part.
There are those who threaten to ruin Facebook for everyone. We all have a few friends on our news feed who drive us to scratch our heads. These are the people for whom the “Block” and “Unfollow” button was created.
I hate to assume you are guilty of any of these, but just in case, here are some status updates I will kindly suggest you reconsider before you post on Facebook.
I am taking a break from Facebook
If you choose to take a break from Facebook, just go! Why do you have to announce it to the world? Honestly speaking, we will not even notice that you have disappeared from Facebook.
Before you announced your impending departure, we had no clue we were going to miss you. Now that you are leaving our virtual world, we won’t know what to do with ourselves.
Thank you so much for letting us know. Whew! You saved us from calling the police to report you missing after 24 hours.
Equally annoying are the people who announce their reappearance on Facebook after taking a break. Seriously, we did not even notice you were gone but thanks for letting us know you are back.
Since your return, the sun is shining again and we can finally taste the pepper and salt in our pepper soup.
I am deleting people off my friend list
Watch out! My Facebook unfriending hatchet is about to fall on some heads and you could be one of them! I particularly love this announcement because it drives me up the wall.
I’m not against the idea of deleting people but I don’t understand why you have to announce it? What drives me up the wall further are the comments which follow the ‘hatchet is about to fall” status update.
“Oh my God! I hope you don’t delete me”
“Keep me! Keep me! Keep me!”
“I have been a good friend. See, I like and comment on all your pictures.”
Seriously?? I am literally shaking in my boots right about now because Miss Kaneshie just announced a Facebook layoff. How will I pay my bills now? Who will put food on my table if she cuts me off?
Even annoying are the people who comment, “Oh, I am so glad I survived the cut” after the person announces that he or she is done deleting friends.
Are we supposed to feel flattered or special now because we did not get cut? If you are going to cut people just do it and don’t tell anyone.
A warning to men to stay out of my Inbox
This particular one is for the ladies. I am yet to see a dude post an announcement warning women to stay out of his inbox.
We get it, you are smoking hot and all the fellas are hitting you up. It is annoying as heck to have some guys constantly hitting on you via messenger.
It is irritating when some fellas start a conversation with, “Hey sexy!” Equally annoying are the married men who are in your inbox trying to chat you up.
I feel your pain but seriously, why do we have to know all about dudes hitting on you via messenger? Until you made this announcement, we had no clue men were all over you.
Facebook has all kinds of privacy tools including a neat little feature called “Block.” Use them and quit announcing to the world that men are hitting on you.
10 to 15 dudes annoying you in your inbox does not call for warning a hundred or so fellas on your friend list who have nothing to do with the issue.
Announcing that men are disturbing you in your inbox can actually make you seem shallow. Don’t make an announcement, just block them, ignore them, warn them; anything to get them off your back.
It takes seconds to block someone and minutes to write a status update complaining about men bugging you in your inbox. Don’t waste your precious minutes on men who show you little to no respect.
I have too many friends/friend requests and I have reached my limit
So let me get this straight. You just announced to your existing friends that you have reached the limit to accept more friends? I am already your friend so I am in your club. Why do I need to hear that your club is full when I already have a membership?
The poor souls waiting for you to accept their friend request need that message, not us.
You just volunteered to us that you have 5000 friends. Wow! Congratulations! A round of applause for you! You managed to befriend 5000 people; 4000 of whom you do not know personally or have never met. How cool!
We are so sorry that your inability to add more strangers to your social media world drove you to announce your predicament to the world. Do you want us to start a petition to implore Facebook to increase the friend limit on your behalf? Just say the word and we will get you all sorted out.
Honestly, spare us from the updates about how you’ve reached the maximum limit to add new friends. While you are at it, please spare us the details about the hundreds of friend requests you have pending.
We love Facebook for its many benefits, however, do not mistake this platform for a support group of hundreds of so-called friends that you hardly know.
Posting these self-serving status update announcements is equal to mounting a very high horse.
Those of us below Your Majesty’s feet beckon you to come down to earth, break bread with the commoners and spare us from these unnecessary updates.
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.