I don’t need a church. At least, not for a little while. According to some, I am going to hell anyway so what is the point? You must be wondering why such a ludicrous statement. The answer is simple, really. I’ve had so many bible verses hurled at me since I started blogging, I believe I have enough sermonizing and morality lessons to last for a couple of years. Who needs church after such an experience? My diehard religious brothers and sisters got me covered so I’m good.
On my blog titled “The Problem With No Sex Before Marriage,” one reader commented something like:
“I pray for God’s punishment upon your head! You had sex before marriage so you are a fornicator and a sinner in the eyes of God. Just wait, your punishment is coming!”
Dang!! Did a child of God just ask Him to direct fire and brimstone in my direction? I’m not sure where I missed my turn but I was under the impression that Christians are supposed to pray for sinners like me, not ask God to bring pain and suffering. This comment begs the question; Who is teaching this false doctrine that denies any form of redemption or hope? Does it come from the church or from the individual? If I had a dime for every time a reader condemned me to hell, I will have enough cash for a full course dinner at an exclusive restaurant.
The point I was making in that article was simple. If you are one who wants to abstain from sex before marriage, seek and date others with similar beliefs. Do not date a sinner like me and expect me to mutate for you as a way to prove my love. For my efforts, my adherent religious brothers and sisters took me through the wringer. Interesting enough, a few of them came to my defense. One such comment went like this:
“The man never condemned people who choose to abstain. But people who profess to abstain are full of condemnation for him in these comments. He just said you should find someone who also has committed to abstain instead of trying to pressure a person to follow your moral code. Even your own copies of the bible say be not yoked together with unbelievers. So what is the problem again?”
Just for the record, I am a Christian but I am also a realist. I grew up in a Christian household and I distinctly remember my father waking up the whole family at 5 am every morning for years to pray the rosary and listen to scripture. I grew up understanding that religion is important and I still hold those convictions.
Christianity is important and of course, we should all seek to live by God’s word. However, Christianity does not make us better, smarter or happier than everyone else. In my opinion, Christianity re-aligns us with God and allows Him to begin the messy work of untangling our difficult lives. The effort some make trying to appear more religious to the world is a waste of time in my opinion. I have found that most of my deeply religious friends are concealing feelings or perspectives they fear will get them ostracized from their church. In some cases, I think they are more afraid of the wrath of the Pastor with crocodile shoes than God Himself.
As a realist, I do not downplay the good things in life and see the bad aspects of life as inevitable. What I do is make unbiased commentary about life without looking through any kind of filters. Sex happens before marriage and that is a fact. Cheating happens and that is a fact of life. Do these acts and behaviors conform to the principles of Christianity? Heck No! However, as a realist and a blogger, I believe in writing with transparency because it gives permission for people around me to do the same. I am perfectly okay with the notion that we will all never agree on what is right or wrong. That said, we can still be open to dialogue about our differences respectfully and we should be willing to be wrong when necessary.
There are those who believe that God has made a perfect person to be their other half. They believe somewhere out there, at the right moment, their soul mate will magically appear in their life. In the comfort of their homes and in churches, they pray incessantly for God to bring this person to them.
On the other end of the spectrum, you have realists like myself who do not hope for a Princess or Prince Charming to come find us in glistening gold carriages. We realize that life isn’t a fairytale and our soul mate, if there is such a thing, is most likely stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire or on someone’s bed. My job as a Realist is to capture the flaws and bumps of this reality succinctly.
I am a realist not because I was born that way. My previous encounters in life have just made me the person I am today. Being real with dating, love, and relationships makes life easier because you don’t hold high expectations and standards for what love needs to be.
As always, I still have lots of love for my diehard religious brothers and sisters and I ask that they remember this sinner in their prayers always 🙂
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.