I am a recovering womanizer.
Sounds bad, doesn’t it? I’ve not met a love interest over the last couple of years who failed to point out just how many women were around me. I could always bet money on that question or statement coming up at some point. I might as well own up to it, don’t you think?
Okay, I like women. Correction, I love women! Who doesn’t? There are varying degrees of love for women but I will be highly suspicious of any man who doesn’t have a healthy love for women.
Here is the thing, some people like soccer, some love movies, sports cars, shoes, yoga, art, live music, travel, etc. I like all those things I mentioned and more.
For me, the finest pleasure in life is having a great conversation with an alluring and beautiful women over some wine in a resort hotel room overseeing the ocean, snuggling up, cuddling, removing pieces of clothing slowly, grabbing the strings of the panties and slipping them off, kissing every inch of her body and giving in to our wildest fantasies. Intoxicating!
So Kwadjo, you may be tempted to ask, “why can’t you just find one woman and settle down with her? Why do you need all these women around you? Isn’t one woman enough?”
To that I respond: How would you like to go to the same restaurant and order the same meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the rest of your life? Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? At some point, you will get bored, tired or even sick of going to the same joint.
Variety, they say, is the spice of life. Sometimes I want meat pies, other times I like to nibble on some fish pies. Sometimes I like jollof rice, other times I like some succulent and juicy waakye.
Every now and then, some plantain chips hits the spot. Yummy!
My love for variety as a single bachelor earned me a horrible reputation as a womanizer and it’s a stigma I can’t wipe off easily.
Let’s face it, we live in an age where judging others tends to be the norm. Thanks to social media, judgment is meted out quickly and aggressively.
Judgement in dating happens consciously and unconsciously sometimes. When you meet someone new, you tend to use all available resources to find out about the person’s interest, what they like, who they like, how they like it, where they like it and who or how many they like it with.
So thanks to social media, I became a womanizer.
Appearances, however, can be deceiving. If a woman feels strongly that something is off with a man based on how many female friends he has around him on social media or in life, they should, by all means, go with their gut feeling.
However, I know men because I am in the club. I can tell you for a fact that sometimes women are totally off-base with how they perceive men who give off that womanizer vibe.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a womanizer and definitely not a choir boy. The terrible stigma tied to a man with multiple female friends which purports that he’s dating different women constantly and having sex with all of them, however, is inaccurate.
Allow me to elaborate. Most men are aware that women will be put off by the presence of a variety of other women around him. However, it does not stop men like me from retreating into the shadows.
Womanizers on social media, after all, can be seen and heard. If the point of womanizing is to get multiple women to bed, why engage in behavior which puts them off? In essence, I am a fake womanizer because I can be an empty barrel.
The real womanizers do not have social media accounts because they need to move in silence and violence.
Speaking for myself, I find it difficult to get all my needs met by one woman. There are women who meet my physical needs, some meet my emotional needs, others are great listeners, some are fun to hang out with, some mentor me, others I flirt with and so on and so forth.
Ironically, women are no different. I have female friends who are married who flirt with me and not their husbands. I have female friends who come to me for advice, other use me as a shoulder to cry on, others need some benefits with the friendship, some love to travel with me, others love to call me up for Netflix and chill.
Again, it is my opinion that we cannot have all our needs satisfied by our partners. Some of us, however, have more needs than others hence we tend to have more friends of the opposite sex.
Do I try to hit on some of my female friends or try to have sex with them? Absolutely! Some of them are pretty hot and junior is alive and kicking. However, I’m not out there trying to sleep with every female friend I have.
I’ve labeled myself a recovering womanizer for one simple reason; I’m ready to settle down. I also chose that label because I’ve been written off by some women I’ve met lately as a womanizer. I can’t blame them though.
I’ve been a bachelor for 17 years and I have baggage and a history I can’t get rid off easily.
Also, I’m a womanizer because I tend to go out with multiple women at the same time. When you’re trying to find the one, you may meet and go on multiple dates with a couple of people.
There is, however, an unfortunate double standard in our culture when it comes to talking to or going out on dates with multiple people.
I know single women who embark on an endless slew of dates as they try to find the one. Our society sympathizes with them and for very good reasons.
Unlike some men, women do not try to sleep with their dates. However, the perception that all men who also engage in multiple dates are solely out for sex is also wrong.
While most women assume that I’m a womanizer who is out there having loads of sex and having the time of my life, I am in reality exhausted. I’m tired of casual dating and the no strings attached sex. I’m tired of hurting people and disappointing others.
So there you have it; I’m a recovering womanizer.
I will continue to get shunned by some women and that is okay. The most important thing here is knowing that I’m taking steps in the right direction.
My only dilemma now is trying to figure out if I should settle for eating jollof rice or waakye for the rest of my life.
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.