Disclaimer: The preceding article is intended for mature audiences only (excluded are the overly religious and those who take life too seriously). Readers discretion is strongly advised. This article is totally useless and not meant to enlighten you in any way. The opinions expressed here belong to everybody, but the opinion belongs to me; the distinction is yours to draw. Read at your own risk and please, do not try this at home!
I am definitely going to get into some hot water with this topic. Today, my self-imposed shackles which have prevented me from writing about triangles are coming off. Triangles; just the topic I want to write about knowing my father and my future wifey are going to be reading this.
Here, I am going to hand you a hammer and some nails. You have my full permission to crucify me with this declaration I am about to make below and for the others afterward.
Triangles are awesome and everyone should try them at least once.
Try asking any fella about what’s on his sex bucket list and a triangle with two women will definitely make the top three bullet points. I am going to play my position in the sex game standing firm when it comes to triangles. Ask me why?
What else could be better than having two women in bed with you to get nasty with?
Before I go ahead, let me set up some hypotheticals. When the discussion on triangles come up, it is almost assumed there will be two women and a man involved. Rarely does the triangle include a second man or three women for that matter.
In a way, it is a social taboo to speak of a triangle involving a woman and two dudes. There are negative connotations written all over this social taboo.
I would point out that society lauds a two girl triangle as every man’s fantasy so for the purposes of this article, I will discuss a heterosexual couple that chooses to add another woman into the mix.
Every time I bring up the topic of triangles, a female friend or a girlfriend asks; “Since you get all excited about having a triangle with another woman, how would you feel about sharing me with another man in bed?”
Heck to the NO!? Are you freaking kidding me? There is not enough force in the universe to propel me to share that space with another man at the same time! You can’t pay me enough to have another man’s sweaty jugglers that close to me. No way; it ain’t happening!
Sounds and smells like hypocrisy, doesn’t it? A triangle with another dude falls outside the jurisdiction for most heterosexual men. It is what it is! It sucks but I am standing firm in the selfish corner on triangles.
I had my first triangle experience in college. It was unplanned, unexpected, exciting but weird. It was my birthday and my girlfriend and her roommate decided to take me out to dinner.
We were broke college kids so a nice sit-down restaurant was out of the question. Dinner happened live at one of the food trucks on campus and I was totally cool with it.
My girlfriend, however, felt bad so to make it up, she decided that we should stop by the local grocery shop and pick up some grown up beverages. Funny thing about those college days in New Jersey; we were perpetually broke but we always had the cash for grown up beverages.
Oddly enough, there was no talk of anything sexual happening that night. We went back to her dorm to party the night away. Her dorm room was tiny and the beds touched all four corners of the wall. Needless to say, the three of us were locked in a pretty tight space and close contact was unavoidable.
As the beverages started coursing through our veins, our inhibitions went out the window pretty quickly. In my haze, I still saw her roommate slipping out of her skirt. Well, this is interesting, I remember thinking to myself. I obviously can’t deny that I had fantasized about my girlfriend’s roommate given that she was hot.
We were all feeling pretty good when my girlfriend started making out with me. It took mere seconds to rip off each other’s clothes and eerily enough, both of us appeared oblivious to the fact that there was another person within arm’s length.
First, it was just me and my girlfriend. Then she pulled her roommate closer and kissed her passionately. Oh Moses, wake up and smell the roses! I woke up the second our three lips merged. Pure pandemonium was about to happen!
Things got crazy and we moved to one of the beds. Now at this point, all three of us were having a full-blown make-out session. Everything was new to me and simply mind-blowing!
Picture this scenario for a second; how many times will you look down to see two women working on your baby maker? Two hands are enough to cause pure exhilaration so picture four hands touching you at the same time. Talk about boiling points!?
Her roommate was the first to impale herself while I laid on my back. While she went for a wild ride, I was paying munching dues to my girlfriend. Two minutes in, I pushed her roommate off; I could not afford an explosion, not now. My girlfriend got on all fours as her roommate grabbed me from behind and helped direct the push and the pull.
The action was too intense so I had to switch up again. My boys were screaming and pleading for an early release but I was blocking them. The entire situation was incredibly surreal and even as it was occurring, I was not sure if I actually believed what was going on.
Unfortunately, the entire episode only lasted about seven minutes from the moment I made the initial entry to my boys rushing out through the canal. Man! The combination of a new experience, the extreme excitement, and the beverages brought the proceedings to a premature end. Bonkers!!
I remember waking at some point in the night still inebriated and in the middle of two girls still in their birthday suits. Did that just happen? I felt weird but I passed out again.
The following morning, my girlfriend and I woke up at the same time while her roommate slept on. We said nothing of the events which took place the night before. There was a pungent sense of guilt and some shame in the air, I should say.
After I left, we never spoke of that evening again even though we continued to hang out together. It was one of the strangest, weirdest and memorable nights of my college life.
Most fellas do not make a big deal about their milestones, however, be mindful when you ask a man what he “really” wants for his birthday or how he wants to celebrate an important occasion. Birthdays are always a good occasion for a triangle if most fellas have their way.
No one really wants to share especially men but a triangle experience is not always off the table. The thought may never make it to the light of day but it does not mean it is not festering in some dude’s head.
Some fellas wait for the perfect opportunity to slip in a triangle suggestion should one present itself. Interesting enough, my second triangle experience was cooked up when a similar opportunity presented itself out of the blue.
My girlfriend caught me checking out another woman’s tush and instead of getting mad, she surprised me by saying; “Nice view, huh? I’m positive you would love to hit that! It’s cool, I’m thinking about grabbing those myself.” She said as she laughed.
Ah! I see the light! A seed was planted and for the next month, we discussed the topic intensely until it finally happened with her and a mutual female friend.
Do not fantasize, however, that the perfect triangle situation effortlessly presents itself on a silver platter. A triangle is a wish and a fantasy which rarely occurs.
The bottom line is, should the opportunity present itself, one should strike when the iron is hot. That is if a triangle is your thing and your woman is open to the idea.
Should you get lucky and find yourself in a triangle, always remember to respect and treat your primary partner with the dignity she deserves. There is a delicate balance in making sure that no one feels left out during the triangle but your woman gets more play time.
After all, if she is down and agreed to you munching on another woman’s secret garden, she’s probably a keeper. Remember, if you mess it up, you could ruin your relationship and life forever.
Unless you feel extremely confident that your relationship can withstand the strain of a triangle after the deed is done, it’s just not worth the risk.
Are you still holding the hammer and all the nails I gave you? If you are, you have made the wise choice to keep an open mind so accept my profound gratitude!
Happy triangle hunting if you want one!
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.