As a disclaimer, I’m just going to say that I recognize that the act of cheating and the reasoning cannot be categorized by gender scientifically. I am a man writing from a man’s perspective and drawing from my own experiences. The concepts I detail henceforth can be applied to both sexes and the situations described are based on my own twisted thoughts and opinions. Be sure to remember that before your crawl up my ass in the comments section.
If Adam and Eve had more options in the garden of Eden, one of them would have probably cheated. After all, what was there to do but roam around naked and eat wild fruits.
There is no way Adam could have avoided developing naughty thoughts had he come across another naked woman in the garden bending over to pick some corn. He probably would have looked up to the skies and asked;
“Hey, Almighty, I thought this thing was only supposed to rise up for just Eve. Am I forbidden from rising up with other women? If I am forbidden, I hate to break this to you but this will be very ‘hard’ for me”
We are living in times where it’s easier to reach for that forbidden fruit. Everyone has their own reasons for cheating and there is really no “one size fits all” reasoning.
The thing with cheating is, it would not exist if monogamy is not culturally compelled. The decision to adhere to monogamy is already made for us. When we go in search of a new partner, there is an established understanding that the person pursuing you wants to be exclusive.
How much of a chance will a man have at a second date should he mention that he is only interested in an open relationship at the first date anyway? You cannot explore the evolution of cheating without considering the notion of monogamy from a rational standpoint.
When it comes to cheating, most men focus on the quantity of sex. Women, however, focus on the quality of sex.
I can’t speak much for women so I will concentrate more on men and what drives most of us to cheat and why we focus on quantity.
I’ve cheated. I’ve cheated quite a bit, actually.
Most of the time when I cheated, it was due to the unblemished fact that a new woman brought a totally different experience from what I was used to.
It was the smell of fresh linens; the gratifying initial sip of a cappuccino, the explosion of taste buds when the spices hit the spot for the first time; the feeling of trying on a new piece of cloth which agrees with your body.
I did not cheat because I was unhappy with my girlfriend at the time. I cheated because it was fulfilling to validate my misguided skills as a hunter and a conqueror.
Controlling my lust was difficult; surrendering to my lust was blissful.
Every successful pursuit which culminated with me occupying a new space produced a high and a boost for a dangerous addiction. The addiction heightened and made me bolder every time I got away with it.
The boldness made it easier to ignore the angels in my head who kept reminding me that I was hurting people. I allowed the vampires to roam freely rather.
Like most men, I’ve entered into relationships thinking I want monogamy because society mandates it. Its only after being in a relationship for months or maybe a year that I realize that I still crave sexual variety. At that point, I’m already in a committed relationship and I do not want to break up with her. That will be a mean thing to do.
In lieu of a break-up, I’ve come up with two options in the past. The first option is to risk bodily harm by asking my girlfriend to consider a threesome. The second option is much easier but morally wrong and hurtful; I cheat.
Stating that men focus on the quantity of sex does not necessarily mean they do not seek quality sex. Most men do seek quality but will happily tone down their standards for an opportunity to have sex with multiple partners.
On one of my articles on why men cheat, I argued; a man’s decision to cheat has nothing to do with how beautiful, smart and sexy his woman is or how great she is in bed or how great a wife or a mother she is to his kids.
I know a lot of men who took major steps down in looks, personality, intelligence, etc. when they cheated. The reason is quite simple really. Cheating can be thrilling and exciting.
It is a new and fresh woman to add to the quantity and increase our tally. It is a new body to explore and a different sexual experience. That’s all to it. Cheating from the perspective of a man is not that complicated.
I pose the following questions to female friends when they ask why I have cheated in the past.
“How does it feel to slip into a new dress?”
“How does it feel to put on those new and expensive shoes you just bought?”
“How does it feel to take that new purse out to a party for the first time?”
You have other dresses, other shoes, other purses. However, you still experience a rush and excitement just by trying on something new.
That rush, that feeling, that exhilarating excitement is the same for men every time we have an opportunity to sleep with a new woman. That high and the rush some of us experience is the reason why most men focus on quantity.
Sex outside of marriage or a relationship with a different woman is purely physical for most men. I can’t make the same claim for women.
As I stated earlier, women who cheat mostly focus on the quality of sex. Unlike men, I believe women do feel a strong attraction to the other man should she decides to cheat with him.
Her focus on quality means she seeks out another man who is somehow better than her man in one way or the other. A woman’s attraction is tied to her emotions so it makes her bouts of infidelity way more devastating.
When a woman cheats, she typically makes a long-term commitment with another man. I have been approached several times by married women and only one was interested in a one-time tryst.
A woman’s sex drive is more complicated than men. Women, in my opinion, require more effort to be turned on enough for sex. A woman in a relationship may be aroused by another man but it does not necessarily mean she wants to have sex with him.
Women are more likely to need an emotional connection with a man before she has sex with him. This assertion does not hold true for most men.
A woman who cheats will definitely seek quality sex because the experience needs to be better than what she is used to. The man must be more handsome, more educated, more intelligent or more masculine for her to experience the quality she seeks to fulfill her needs.
In my opinion, once a woman considers cheating and actually goes forward with it, she loses respect for her man but I can’t say the same for a man.
When a man cheats on his woman, it does not necessarily mean he does not love or respect her. He is probably still very much in love with his woman but too weak to curb his need for sexual variety.
The most common reason I’ve heard from women who have cheated or seriously considering it is mostly the same; their partners were not paying attention to them or the spark in the marriage or the relationship was gone.
Unlike men, most women need to feel unappreciated, emotionally abandoned and neglected by their partners before they shack up with another man.
On the contrary, most will agree that the reason some men cheat is shallow; the other woman was hot and there was an opportunity to occupy a new space and add to our quantity.
At the end of the day, cheating is wrong no matter how one slices and dices the activity.
By Kwadjo Panyin
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.