I am still Single so I have subdued aggression in my eyes. I search but I never find. I have hurt in my veins. I hurt but I never cry. I have pain in my heart. I have blood in my eyes. Today, I have lust on my mind!
Lust is on my mind so my objective is simple. I am going to get you to be very comfortable. I am going to make it difficult for you to want to leave me tonight. I am going to make you want me. I am going to get you to spend the night. Tonight, my mind is full of grease.
I am going to show up in style for our date tonight. My chariot is classy. My chariot will be one you will be proud to get in and out from. It’s a late-model, of course. The kind of model they still run commercials on. The kind that turns your head. My chariot is black for a reason. I am on a covert mission and I must succeed. I have tried to do this the right way and go through the proper channels. I have failed but I cannot fight the grease on my mind anymore.
I am going to look classy tonight. The sports jacket just came from the dry cleaners; the shirt is new. The jeans are old but decent for tonight. My cologne is just the right amount. Not overwhelming but enough for you to notice my presence. I got on my lucky tighty whities.
These particular tighty whities serve a dual purpose. They protect my goodies but they also hide my intentions very well. I will get excited especially when you get close. You can’t know I have grease on my mind. Not yet.
My tighty whities got my back so I am chilling like an ice-cube. Ah, the shoes. You may not want to look at the shoes for too long. The shine may blind you.
I am going to take you a 5-star joint. It will be romantic. It will have killer views of the city of Angels. It will be in downtown Los Angeles. Nothing but the best for you. Tonight, the conversation will be all about you. Tonight, the spotlight is on you. You are the centerpiece. I will listen, I will ask the right questions, say the right things.
I have done my research. I know all about your obsession with Christian Louboutin. I know all about your obsession with anything Fendi. I know you want that little blue dress and handbag from Oscar de la Renta. I made a mental note when you posted about your wishes on Facebook. I know your career goals, your dream job, about the education you seek. So tonight, I will get you talking about just you. I am not that significant tonight. It’s all about you, my Dear. I am not going to get bored listening to you talk about yourself.
After your first glass of wine, I will crank up the charm. I will get flirty. I will get suggestive. I will float ideas into your head. I am on a mission to fill your head with lust. I am on a mission to fill your head with grease. A mission to get you to crave what’s coming. To make you need it as much as I do.
I will casually invite you to my place. If I have done an excellent job so far, you will say yes. I just ask if you want to come over to my place. I do not need a lame excuse like, “I want you to see my new record collection.” Giving a woman a reason to come to your place is amateurish. I just ask. If you say no, that is cool. Maybe, next time.
I know a thing or two about women. You notice everything. You notice a man’s character, their clothes, shoes, how they walk, talk, how they carry themselves and how they live. You have that Sherlock Holmes detective DNA in your genes. I am aware that all the details you notice about me make up my brand. My brand has to be one you lust after tonight. I am setting up my environment to reinforce my brand. My brand has to be desirable to you.
Ah! My bachelor pad, my safe haven. Let me tell you something about my bachelor pad. It is designed and set up for you to never leave when you step inside. My brand is strongly represented here. My pad is set up as an integral part of my mission to get you to spend the night. Besides the obvious comforts, there are tools behind the scenes you do not see. An arsenal I’ve carefully prepared and stored away for occasions just like this. Tonight, love is not in my eyes. Lust is running the show and I am going to let him.
I know the more comfortable I make you, the more you would not want to leave. I have bachelor tools you do not see even though they are in plain sight. My tools do not include the obvious list all bachelors use; you know, the condoms, the extra towels, extra tooth brushes etc. Those items are all cool but that list is for amateurs. I am a professional. I keep a different set of tools in my tool box.
I keep multiple phone chargers at my place. I know you ladies cannot go without your phones for 2 seconds. You are glued to those things. Tonight, you can’t use the excuse that you have to go home because your phone is dying or dead. What kind of phone do you have? I guarantee you, I have the charger. Let’s get your phone all charged up. I’m not concerned about charging your phone tonight, I got that covered. I want to charge you up so you can disappear in the clouds tonight.
I keep baby wipes at my place. How many times has a girl gone straight to the bathroom when she comes to your place? Almost all the time. They have to freshen up, touch up on their make-up, their hair. Classy chicks use baby wipes. It keeps their girlie parts fresh. She will want her girlie parts fresh if she is spending the night. If she does not feel like her girlie parts are fresh, she is not staying. You will need her girlie parts to be fresh especially if she likes close contact in the South area. Close contact is essential to greasing. I always get the soft wipes. Her girlie parts are delicate. I avoid picking up wipes with a fruity scent. That is a terrible mistake. Baby fresh is the way to go.
I keep some bottles of Moscato at my place. I have never had a girl turn down a glass of Moscato. You can never go wrong with Moscatos. My favorite is Moscato D’Asti. It has that champagne taste and feel to it. My second favorite is the Barefoot Bubbly Pink Moscato. Pink Moscato seems to be a favorite for a lot of girls. It must have something to do with the color pink. I need a backup just in case she is not into the D’Asti. The Pink Moscato is a perfect backup and an option. Moscatos have the right amount of sweet for a woman. It not too dry, not too harsh, not too soft either. I always keep it chilled, ready to serve.
I keep a cashmere blanket or a thick soft rug. Girls love soft blankets especially after a night out. I know your feet hurts from walking in those heels all night. My goal is to make you comfortable and the soft blanket always does the trick. I want us to cuddle. I want to make you share the blanket. I don’t keep two soft blankets on my couch because my intention is to get in with you. I need some warmth and comfort too. I need to get close to you.
I keep a shower cap in the bathroom. I know what you are thinking, a shower cap? Trust me, I have been burnt before because she did not have a shower cap the morning after. I don’t have the type of shower cap a woman uses on a daily basis. You are not supposed to have a shower cap with flowery designs in your bachelor’s pad. I don’t need a lady asking me who’s shower cap she is using. I go to the travel aisle in any supermarket and pick up the cheap disposable ones. The disposable ones are good to have and easy to explain away. You have sisters and female cousins. You keep the disposable shower caps handy just in case they visit. She will understand.
Tonight, you are mine completely.
Tonight, the light of lust is in our eyes. Tonight, I am keeping you up all night long. We are going to step out on the edge; we will either fall together or you will catch me. Tonight, we forget about the rest of the world. Our world is what we open up to each other. I see grease in your veins. You are looking forward to the hangover you will experience in the morning. As the heat between us starts to intensify, you stop briefly and ask.
Are we making love or are we having sex?
The lust has not consumed you totally. You ask this question even though you know you have reached a point of no return. We are at the greasing threshold. It seems like you will be okay with either answer. You asked to make yourself feel a little better. I get it. I do not respond with words. Why should I? Love is the last thing on my mind. Love is the last thing on your mind. At this very moment, I don’t want to make a memory that lasts a lifetime.
When the sun comes up tomorrow morning, ask me if I love you.
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.