An Open Letter To Married Men Chasing Single Women

Unintentional Things Women Do That Causes Sudden And Unwanted Arousals In Men
January 31, 2017
A Single’s Soliloquy for Valentine
February 11, 2017

Dear Married Men Chasing Single Women,

Let me start with a resounding applause for daring to take the giant leap into the institution of marriage. My fellow bachelors and I are still burning the midnight oil hoping to graduate and receive a marriage certificate someday.

Please note that once upon a time, I also carried the coveted title of husband. Having walked a mile in your shoes, it took me a while to decide to finally pen down this letter.

Is the juice worth the squeeze? In other words, will this letter alter your desire to chase single and available women? The answer, very likely, is a big NO!

This letter is not meant to ask you to stop competing with bachelors for single and available women. It is just meant to make you aware of the impact your presence is having on the dating scene.

First of all, your conquests for single women has drastically changed the vetting process bachelors like myself go through when we meet someone new.  Thanks to you, single women no longer ask if I have a girlfriend, they demand to know if I am married. I used to get upset and confused when a single woman demanded to know if I had a wife.

“Why on earth will I be romantically interested in you if I have a wife?”  I would ask in dismay.

I was naïve then but I get it now. Married men have relentlessly approached so many single women that, they have no choice but to inquire if a newly interested man is hitched. “Are you married?” is now, unfortunately, an expected question for single men who express a romantic interest in a woman.

Not only are we being probed, we are being subjected to rigorous background checks, intense interrogations, and random ‘inspections’ under the guise of unannounced video chat calls; all in an effort to verify that we are indeed, not married.

I never thought I’d ever had to prepare a mountain of evidence to prove that I am not married when I met someone. I once told a woman I had just met that my Facebook relationship status showed “single” and there was no evidence on my profile to indicate that I was married. “Oh yeah?” She snapped back. “I once unintentionally dated a married man for 6 months. His Facebook profile looked exactly like yours.”

Secondly, we are literally being blocked from meeting single and available women and I mean, literally. I was once at an event with a fellow bachelor. As we were scouring the scene for single women to chat with, we realized to our astonishment, that our married friends were all busy chatting up every available single female on the scene.

“Shouldn’t we be the ones all over these girls?” my friend asked laughing.

“I know right!?” I responded.

We see you at parties and events without your rings sometimes, blocking our access to single women. Every time you try to pick up single and available women in public, you are literally hindering our chances. It is not a secret that you sometimes successfully start affairs with single women.

Regrettably, some single women chase after married men also. In most cases, the affair is an arrangement where you both benefit somehow. Chances are, the single women you have affairs with are not that active on the dating scene thus blocking the chances of potential suitors. It is quite disheartening to think and to know that you, a married man, is having sex with some poor chap’s future wife.

The final and most damaging impact your presence has on the dating scene is one that solidifies and provides proof that men are liars and cheaters. The constant harassment imposed on single women by married men is creating a horrible reputation for men in general. Single men are constantly on the defense because a lot of married blokes are still very active on the dating scene.

Actively searching bachelors are working hard every day to place themselves in a good position to attract the best women out there. We are holding down good jobs, saving money, hitting the gym, bleeding our bank accounts on countless dates; all in an effort to find a good woman and also join the married men’s club.

Our hard work is meaningless if the women we meet cannot get past the notion that men are liars and cheats. Thanks to you, most single and available women are struggling with their need to settle down and their fear of men as liars and cheaters.

Your lingering presence has caused most of the women we meet to be firmly rooted in the belief that their future husbands will behave exactly in that manner. It has not been easy cleaning up the bad reputation created by married men but my fellow bachelors and I are trying. After all, what choice do we have?

I am quite sure that the reasons I just gave to highlight the devasting impact married men are causing on the dating scene do little to tickle your conscience.

Some of you are at a point in your lives where you hate opening the front door to see a homely looking wife up to her elbows in dirty dishes, in the middle of cooking dinner or helping the kids with their never-ending homework.  Sometimes, the door opens to total chaos; kids running around, a baby screaming, complaining teenagers and a nagging wife. Boy, does a man need a break in that instance? For some, the door opens to a peaceful home with a gorgeous wife most men will die for.  Who or what is behind your door does not matter much as you are not satisfied.

It would feel good to walk into the welcoming arms of an alluring young lady in a quiet private room, pin her against the wall, lift up her skirt and handle your business.  Infidelity is a somewhat temporary solution in my opinion. Your infidelity in the grand scheme of things has a permanent impact and a cascading effect on the dating scene.

Some unfortunate young women are lied to and get hurt in the process. They are used and abandoned and unfortunately, actively seeking bachelors get to deal with the aftermath.

Allow me to share a phrase which captures succinctly the painful reality of the constant presence of married men on the dating scene.

The runway to land a good woman to marry is very long. The runway becomes longer when married men linger in the single’s wing and compete.

As stated in the beginning, this letter is not to ask you to exit the dating scene. Vows have been made before God and you are accountable to no one but Him. It is not my duty to advise anyone to honor their vows or fix their marriage if they are unhappy.

That said, please note that to the serious and actively searching single men and women, you appear as an insatiable person who has what he needs but is still roaming around looking for more.

Sincerely,

The Single Brothers and Sisters

 

By Kwadjo Panyin

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.

45 Comments

  1. Afua Ansah says:

    First of all u need a new dating pool cos your current one sucks
    That being said.. there are plenty ..abd i mean plenty of women out there who still believe in the sanctity of marriage..
    There’s are also plenty of women out there who wants to date a guy hopefully to get married someday
    If u hv to prove above and beyond reason… in your marital status… them am sorry shes not that into u… dasall…
    Say next… and move on…. married peeps aint ruining the game…. sucky peeps are

  2. You are spot on my dear friend Kwadjo Panyin until those married men “boys” accept that LIFE is what has happened to them,this madness is here to stay,there is no shame in their game so long as they have ladies who are “not in the right frame of mind” to PLAY along.It is what it is…..lol

    • I am not even complaining about married men. They made their vows and they choose their sins the same way I choose mine. It’s just the increased scrutiny that single men now endure thanks to the likes of Eugene Kwabena Ackah. Just like you need proof of your age to buy alcohol, you now need proof that you are not married. Your word no longer works Cathy-Geoff Cox

    • Forget your word Kwadjo Panyin it’s history,any sane sister will be checking you out probably from elementary school😂😂😂…lol I don’t blame them kraaa too meuch!! lying from some of these brothers.

  3. Small Toto we go chop, eye red come inside…. maybe married men at stable mentally, they are actually matured men, hence the attraction!!

  4. We are tired Cathy-Geoff Cox aba, so so nonsense with married men, we taya ………

  5. Let me go back and read this mess my friend….lol

  6. You are getting a spanking today Kwadjo Panyin hahaha be careful waiii….lol

  7. Mq Tontoh says:

    Kwadwo why don’t you focus on writing about bachelors where you are an expert? Better still just get married.

    We are married not because we are perfect but we surely know how to pick a woman and make her our bride. This, the main attraction for the single ladies.

    No single lady in their right frame of mind will choose a married man over a bachelor, all things being equal.

    • Many are not in the right frame of mind😂😂😂…..lol

    • Ah! The last part captured it all 😅.. why should a single woman have to choose in the first place? Could be the married man comes with benefits and she is not willing to let go of those perks and enter the market. It’s not about the choice single women have, Boss. It’s about how the vetting process for bachelors have changed as a result of married men still on the market. That is the point I want to make with this article Mq Tontoh

    • When you get heart broken severally, you can never bé in your right frame of mind.

    • Mq Tontoh says:

      Married men can be very charming beyond reason. I think. But you Kwadwo surely you are not caught up in this dilemma? Why does rich successful bachelors drag their feet should be the next topic.

    • Exactly, with plenty grammar. They even want to bé toasted and pampered. Fighting battle of thé sexes when married men are willing to go all thé way.

      For à single Lady, I must Say it’s quite tempting. You see someone toasting you with a car and thé house rent you havent paid and à yéyé boy is forming all adults should bé responsible.

      Thé biggest reason many women indulge is many of thé people who date married m’en get married faster from what I have seen. Cos in reality people no longer care how you make it just make it.

      M’en also like success and beautiful things. It costs money to achieve all that. From school fées to looking gorgeous.

      Fyi, I am speaking from someone who has seen à lot and Côme to à conclusion that mortality is overrated.

      Just live with your conscience.

    • Mq Tontoh 😅😅😅 that is a very fair point and I am taking it in stride. I will be the best person to write this, right?

    • Morine Julius are you referring to bachelors wanting to be toasted and pampered? 😀

    • They will bé forming. You are dating someone and thé person will just bé doing anyhow..dont let me sound bitter but I know that all it takes to give à married man à glance is if you had one chasing you with heaven and earth and your yéyé bf breaks your heart.

      Thé only thing that would stop you from saying yes is your conscience.

    • Mq Tontoh says:

      I see the dilemma right there Morine.

    • Morine Julius a glance? 🤔🤔🤔

  8. The heading should be: Letter to married men.

    Because all married men chase single women. This makes your heading tautology

    Im not among though lol

  9. Eben Adjei says:

    “We see you at parties without your ring chatting the ladies blocking our chances”… lol. How can a married man block your chances in the “pool”of single ladies? I think single men are the cause of married men getting extra attention from single ladies. . I guess single ladies want one man one corner “free from diseases” . You didn’t think of that. Sometimes theyare scared how many women single men sleeps with. That could be a factor. . The causes for single ladies choosing married men has a lot to be studied Mr. Relationship man. .

  10. I have a bunch of female friends who these married men come after, what pisses me off more is these men sometimes are men guys like us should look up to!

    One gets disappointed when they don’t live up to the standard they ought to.

  11. Ugonna says:

    I asked some guy this afternoon who tried to take me for lunch straight from church. It was a straight up question ‘Aren’t you married?’. Not that I was going to take him up on his offer, because really where do I know you from that I’ll now be following you for lunch, when I’d seen you oogling at me like meat in the church car park?:)

    Last year was the year of the marrieds showing up and conviniently forgetting to say they were married but God had mercy on my precious soul and found ways of letting me know each time. So yes it’s a valid question. Both for the girl who doesn’t do married men and for the ones who do do!

  12. THEROUGEVELVET says:

    The institution of marriage is a sacred one. Why take the vows if you are not content with one woman? Smh.
    To the ladies who knowingly date married men…trust me, KARMA IS A B**CH!

  13. abena says:

    Good note… Its very true, some of us are emotionally numb. Can’t connect with anyone, society is full of lies lately. People keep asking why I’m not dating and I don’t even have any reason. I simply lost interest. But its all good.

  14. mkw says:

    Vows were made before God. There lies the whole truth.

  15. nobs says:

    Thanx Bro…. Now it though being single with the criteria that our married men have made our single ladies to set… Sometimes u wonder if they expect u to rob a bank….

  16. Iris says:

    Oh, and now they unashamedly run after married women too!Since they are married and chase after girls, I believe they have come to believe that in this day and age, it is okay for married women to cheat too. The effrontery!

  17. Hanan says:

    It’s hardship that allows some of the single ladies to agree to date married men. For others, it’s pure greed, but eventually it’s up to the single ladies to make sure they don’t end up dating married men.

  18. Naa says:

    It’s rada unfortunate but this is happening big time. Our married men can’t leave the single ladies alone

  19. Elorm says:

    The competition is so real my broda..The married guys are the benchmark now. You know the 80/20 rule, marry and get the 80% from the wife and to get the 20% from the single ladies…

  20. Sefakor says:

    Reading this,seems funny but very true…

    • Hanan says:

      It’s hardship that allows some of the single ladies to agree to date married men. For others, it’s pure greed, but eventually it’s up to the single ladies to make sure they don’t end up dating married men.

    • Ope says:

      You forgot to add the fact that married men (who tend to be older and more successful) tend to pamper their mistresses to a level that single guys can compete with. So, even after the affair has ended, the entry bar is so high that the poor young single guy has no chance at all!

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