I am tipsy, I think, but I am not totally wasted; not yet at least.
I was not blessed with a hollow leg and a few brews can make my world spin and deliver a nasty headache in the morning. I can hear a familiar voice repeating over and over again; do not drink and write.
A few glasses of Charles Shaw is just the antidote I need. I think I may have had one too many so permit my tipsy ultra ego to rant and ramble.
Tonight, it’s just a man and his thoughts; no relationship related topics to explore, no controversies to generate, no steamy narrations of the pleasures of the flesh. Just a tipsy worn out incoherent bachelor lost in his thoughts on a quaint Tuesday night.
Truth be told, I am a train wreck waiting to happen. I have enough energy to take in the pleasures of life all around me but I do not always lift my head. Life and love in all its finery and here I am, waiting to embrace all the darkness inside me.
The train track feels like a perfect place to lie down and watch the stars. A train may come through soon but I am not waiting for anyone to come pick me up from the tracks. I have no semblance of fear at all.
Don’t you sometimes feel like losing yourself completely in a sweet embrace? A sweet embrace sounds like a ravishing idea. An embrace will light up the trenches where darkness lies so I can find my way back again.
My visions of romance are not cruel tonight and the trenches no longer offer the familiar comforts.
It’s a lovely evening so I get up to lift up the blinds to let in the brilliant light of the evening. I can see the pool right outside my window. Neighbors, kids, strangers; all out taking a dip on a hot Californian night.
Being surrounded by loved ones is life as it should be lived. I turn away and walked with shaky legs back to my couch. I pick up my laptop and ramble on.
I am not weak and starving for love; I have love I think. I have lost enough time trying to unravel where I went wrong. What I do now is just hang on and stop myself from falling into familiar shoes.
Age is silently stalking me and time has made me a fool.
Time and age have made me an expert but an inept one. Every time I flounder, I remember the lessons I never learned.
I have a wound that never heals but I choose to smile. Everyone finds themselves open arms in time, I tell my tipsy ultra ego.
For a man who has struggled to sustain a relationship over the last two decades, love is like an oasis which dries up as soon as I approach. I’ve fallen countless times but Heaven always bends to take my hand.
I have no memories of choosing not to fight because I always believe all will be worth it in the end. I stay the course, hold the line and keep it all together.
Love is not always the antidote. Tonight, this tasty wine is. It’s time for another glass to speed up my drift. It’s also time to stop rambling just to fill up the emptiness.
Have a good evening.
By the ultra ego of Kwadjo Panyin
Photo Credit: The Bachelor’s Pad
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.