Back in the day, there was this joke in Ghana about a man blurting out that he will give all his cocoa farms to a woman he was in bed with when he was at the pinnacle of excitement. We all laughed at this joke. Some of us thought that it was just ridiculous however, it may have exposed a vulnerability that some men have during sex. A vulnerability which suggests that women can extract the truth about anything from a man during sex, or that intercourse is the best time to get a man to commit to certain wants.
Just for clarity, the sex that I will be referring to in this piece is the kind that singles and couples who are not engaged to be married have. I am fully aware that monogamous sex with one relationship partner is the ultimate goal for most. However, the reality is that most singletons will have sex with other singletons (hopefully) while on the quest to find that one true partner.
I can’t speak for all men but I do know that some women make it a point to engage in topics other than sex while they are in bed with their partners. That said, the following are 5 things most men do not wish to hear in bed.
# 1. Talk of Exes
Talking about exes while you are naked with your new partner is a ginormous “no no” for both men and women. Men are visual beings and as such, the mention of an ex before, during and after sex triggers the picture of another man on top of you. That image is one we will like to avoid at all cost especially during sex. I once walked into a resort penthouse in Miami with a woman who suddenly declared that her Ex used to bring her to the same resort but was too cheap to get the penthouse. “Wait! What?” Her revelation killed the romantic weekend getaway for both of us. There is another reference to exes that most people make without intending to. If you try a sex move that does not incite elation in your partner, do not make reference to the fact that all men like this move. It’s better to ask what turns the person on than to blurt out a cringe-worthy response like, “I thought all men like to have their ears nibbled.”
#2. The Other Woman
Ha! Whenever this question comes up during sex, l get quite tickled. There is nothing wrong with asking a guy about a woman who called him or whom you think likes him. Men also get worried about other guys who may be interested in you. Being protective during a relationship is to be expected and perfectly normal. Bringing up another woman or other women while we are having sex is a turn-off! Just don’t bring it up! I am with you at that very moment. What are you trying to accomplish by asking if I am going to block another woman on Facebook during sex? Can it just wait until we are done!?
#3. Don’t leave me
Yes! Yes! Yes! My response will always be the same every time you ask if I will stay with you during sex. No matter how you phrase the question, my response will always be yes. Planning on leaving may not be on my mind so why are you asking for confirmation during sex? You know very well my response will not be, “I am here solely to just have sex with you and I will make my exit as soon as we are done.” We all want to hear the confirmation that our partners will not be jumping ship. However, waiting to seek confirmation of how secure you are in the relationship during sex is not cool.
#4. Will you marry me?
Oh no, no no! Nothing kills the mood faster during sex than this question. Do not bring up marriage while my eyeballs are disappearing into their sockets. It is unfair to ask about marriage while we are both plugged in. Marriage is a serious business so please do not bring it up during sex. This question usually sneaks in when some women know you are racing towards the mountain top. When this question comes up during sex, I am more inclined to say yes because my brain shut down when I took my clothes off. You will never get an honest answer from a guy when you bring up the “M’ word during sex so just don’t bring it up.
#5. I want to have your baby
Ah, the baby talk. Let’s make a baby? I want to have your baby. You and I should make a love child? Holy Molly! Unless we have already discussed marriage or making babies, do not mention the “B” word during sex; plain and simple! It immediately has me questioning if you are really on birth control. It gets me wondering if I am fully protected. Before sex and during sex, a man’s mind is on one thing; Sex. His mind is on rest and sleep after sex. He cannot mentally process your baby talk while his brain is 99% occupied with sex. The 1% brain function not engaged at the time will not enable him to give you a sincere response.
Men love to hear you talk during sex. If you must talk, stick with the subject at hand. The only sounds we’d love to hear should be connected to the present activity. We all know sex produces certain hormones that make us bond with our partner and we feel more connected. Understand that the bond for a man is most of the time more physical than emotional, unfortunately.
So ladies, please save all the non-sex related questions for when we go for coffee and pancakes in the morning 🙂
By Kwadjo Panyin…
Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.