3 Reasons Why You Should Leave Your Ex Alone

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What the heck, WhatsApp? Why do you have to place the display picture right next to the call button? Ugh! You are ruining everything for me. I just want to check out my ex’s new display picture like a spy.  I just want to creep around to see if her new  status is about me. I am dying with curiosity here. I want to check her out, see how good she still looks, see if she has changed, see what she is up to.

Don’t you realize that the gap between the call button and the display picture is minuscule?

The gap is not considerate of the normal human fingers sizes. I have to steady my aim to hit the display picture all the time. Thanks to you, I called her by accident and I am sitting here sweating my swingers off. Thanks to you, she knows I am creeping around on her pictures and keeping tabs on her.  What’s wrong with moving the call button to the middle for crying out loud?

Why am I snooping around my ex-girlfriend’s stuff anyway? If you are reading this and you are doing the same, you have the ask yourself the same question. Unless you want your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back, you really have no business snooping around to see what they are up to. I must admit, it is kinda hard to just move on and not keep tabs on your ex.

Breakups are never cool no matter how you look at it. Someone gets hurt or you both get hurt. You lose something, you lose the experience, you lose the memories. It’s a terrible feeling before, during and after the breakup. It sucks when a song you both used to like comes on. It sucks when you go to places you both used to hang out. It sucks when you see the same model vehicle your ex used to drive. You do not want to be reminded of the painful memories. If you want your ex back, you are welcome to stay in limbo and wish he or she comes running back into your arms. If not, you have to leave your ex the heck alone and here is why.

There are no losers or winners after a breakup

If we break up, we are both winners and we are both losers. Trying to prove that your ex is the loser screams “I am not over you” very loudly. I know how it feels to want to see your ex admit to his or her mistakes. I know how it feels to want to show the whole world how right you were; how you were wronged; how poorly you were treated. Heck, some of us daydream about our ex getting hit by a car or getting hurt somehow. Think about it this way, you are a winner because you are no longer with a loser. You are also a loser because you lost something that was not meant for you. Relax and let the emotions happen to you after the break up. It okay to wish your ex gets dumped painfully by his next girlfriend. If you do not want him or her back, there is no point trying to make a statement after the breakup. You have already proven something powerful to yourself. You have proven that you can be a winner. You have a future waiting for you. Go get it!

Your Ex’s Social Media is a lie

The second you break up, you go doll yourself up, wear some sexy cloths, muster up a huge smile, take an amazing selfie and post it everywhere. You go out with friends and you can’t resist taking a picture with the cute stranger you just met and posting it. You have to show that you are not bothered by the break up. He needs to see all these pictures.  He needs to see what he lost. He needs to feel the pain and hurt a little. He will check social media. Even if I block him or he blocks me, he will somehow find a way to check.

If you are out there checking your ex’s Instagram or Facebook, you are making things exponentially harder for yourself. I once had an ex-girlfriend who created a fake Instagram account just to follow me. Of course, she comes on and has to get my attention by liking all my pictures at the same time and leaving comments. What is the point if we are not going to get back together? Looking at pictures of your ex or keeping tabs on them is only going to hurt you. Most of the pictures are not even telling the real story. I had a friend who drove 3 hours to his ex’s apartment to confront her because she posted a picture kissing a guy on the cheek. Turns out the guy was her cousin and she posted the picture just to mess with him. Situations like these is going to be a punch to the gut for sure.

If you want to move on and cannot control your creeping tendencies, you need to unfriend your ex, block them, delete them; do anything possible to avoid becoming a break up casualty.

You have to be friendly with your ex but you are not friends. Why pretend to be friends with someone you have greased multiple times?  Out of sight, out of mind. If you get the urge to check up on your ex, remind yourself how she called you stupid and ugly. That should do the trick and help you sit your snooping ass down.

You will feel better if you stop looking up your ex on social media and becoming obsessed which their display pictures on WhatsApp.  Focus more on yourself and you will decrease your obsession with your ex. I know it is hard to just move on. Not keeping tabs on your ex requires a lot of self-control. I have struggled with moving on and I am sure most people have too. If you do not want your ex back, make an effort to stay off his or her grid.

It is perfectly okay to allow yourself to feel the pain of a lost relationship. It is a big mistake to just push aside your feelings and pretend that you are not affected by your breakup. It is also okay to have some moments of sadness. Take the time to cry if you have to. Break out the love songs if you have to. Seek solace in friends if you have to. Allow yourself room to heal. If you keep snooping on your ex however, it will take forever to heal and move on.

Everyone is Replaceable

You are struggling moving on because you are afraid that you cannot replace your ex. He or she was not always bad. There is a reason why you fell for him or her. You are struggling with the notion that you may not find someone who touches you like your ex does; who spoils you like your ex does. Oh well, he or she is gone now. There must be very good reasons why you allowed the breakup to happen. You know that you cannot go down the same path with this person. Just know this, everyone is replaceable.

There will be always someone cuter than your ex, someone who treats you better than your ex, someone who is more educated than your ex, someone who will get along with your friends and family better than your ex, someone who will respect your independence better than your ex.

If you are also thinking that you cannot be replaced, you are dead wrong. Thinking that way will make it hard for you to move on. Someone will always be better or worse than you. Let’s just hope your ex ends up with someone worse than you :). Accept the fact that the relationship has ended. It is normal to hold out hope that your ex is going to come back or you may get back together. We all know some people do get back together after a breakup.

Breaking up is like cutting down a tree. It takes a couple of swings before the tree falls eventually.

Allow the swings to happen naturally. As painful as it is, there is a reason that things are over and it just means there is someone better waiting for you in the future. Do not keep your future waiting.

Kwadjo Panyin..

Author: Kwadjo Panyin

Kwadjo Panyin is a Ghanaian born relationship and lifestyle blogger located in Los Angeles, California. He holds three degrees; a Bachelors degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey, an MBA from Franklin University in Ohio and a Masters of Science degree from Northern Kentucky University in Kentucky. Kwadjo is a business professional who blogs for fun. His articles are about the challenges of dating and relationship anomalies. Writing, blogging, world travel, and photography are his favorite hobbies.

10 Comments

  1. Narkie says:

    Interesting write up! I wouldn’t lie, I find myself doing literally all the above things you mentioned and I realize now that I’m wasting my time!! I love this piece ❤️

  2. Leoine says:

    The piece was damn right straight forward. I just had a break up and am trying to be strong but I no there is this obsession about him I want to get over. Am gonna take keen attention to this advice so that I can move on cos it’s really not easy. Txs Kwadjo

  3. Davids says:

    Awesome talk .. I’d like to talk to you about some issues tho..

  4. Abdul Marshall says:

    Great, I love it.

  5. Phreeman Brown says:

    looks like these advice was directly to me, Hmmm it’s not easy forgetting your ex u did nothing wrong but just decided to break your heart

  6. Judith says:

    woooow is realy nice,dis is a gud tip n I realy luv it

  7. sandra says:

    a clear and brief advice
    thank you

  8. Beverly says:

    Definitely worth the read

  9. Editta says:

    I’m with you on this one. There is a reason he/she is an ex. Leave them the hell alone!!! If you want to get back with your ex and they ain’t budging leave them be!! And of course everyone is replaceable. Yes sometimes it’s hard to move on but you’ve got to let go!! Otherwise you’re bordering on being a stalker!!!

  10. Belinda Owusu-Konadu says:

    Great piece

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