Trying To Love Again With A Frozen Heart?
Hello frozen heart, it’s your old friend
Out of the depths I come to talk to you once again
They keep asking why you won’t come back and love again
They keep asking why you hold on tightly to the past
A future awaits, I am told
Do you remember our first love?
Do you remember how bold and deluged it was?
I break into a smile every time I remember that first love
Do you remember how alive you were?
Do you remember how enraptured you were?
What on earth happened to you?
Where did all that feeling go?
Why is it so difficult for it to return?
Crest fallen, I already know the reason why you won’t come back that easy
The aftermath of multiple heartbreaks
How on earth do I explain that to them?
Will they understand the eclipse multiple heartbreaks cast on the heart?
Will they comprehend that with each heartbreak comes a re-freeze?
Will they comprehend that with every heartbreak; the cold icy heart takes longer to thaw?
I am seen standing openly in the sun with a frozen heart that won’t thaw
A dichotomy only you and I understand
At what point did you realize the previous loves were not meant to be?
Why did you let it go on for so long?
Why did you allow me to linger for so long?
Do you not grow weary of the repeated thaw and freeze?
This frozen heart is paying dearly for all the times you refused to realize sooner that I was with the wrong person
I feel lost in my own skin now
My mind tells me NO when it senses danger
My mind becomes incapacitated when you speak
I can’t trust you anymore but I need you still to live
My eyes are always seeking but my heart is shackled to painful past memories
Searching for love again is like walking through a field of blades
How do I tread on the field without bleeding?
I move on to a perfect stranger; I talk, I feel but each time I get closer, I am blinded by the danger
I don’t want to be stuck; I have to move on; I need to move on
But how many more blades must I tread on?
How many more deep cuts must I endure?
I understand why this heart remains frozen
With every stab, the freeze is more solid than before
With every stab, this poor heart takes longer to thaw
The questions won’t change
The questions won’t dwindle
Their ignorance remains
Meddling in matters few comprehend
They are blind to how frozen this heart is
It is hard to open the door to another perfect stranger for fear that it is blistering cold outside
Alas! The door to this heart remains shut but the windows are open
Shut tight until the imperfect stranger who needs the sun not to thaw a frozen heart knocks on the door
A Poem by Kwadjo Panyin…