I Wonder What My Soul Mate Is Doing Right Now
She is eyeing the red lacy lingerie on the mannequin in the middle of the shop. It caught her attention the second she walked into Victoria’s Secret. It is just perfect for the night. She knows where her date will end up. It will start on the couch, end up on his soft carpet, and eventually on his bed. She was not mistaken.
The sun wakes her up in the morning. She turns to look at him, and the memories of the previous evening’s extra-curricular activities come rushing back. She smiles, turns her back to him, and cuddles up. Her eyes fall on the hardwood floors in his bedroom and she sees the lingerie she had bought the day before. It makes her mad to think of her precious lingerie marinating with other clothing in his bedroom. He did not care for the lingerie she spent hours shopping for; he didn’t even notice it. He was more interested in what was underneath it. The lingerie was not an item of beauty to him, it was an impediment to his lust. “It is okay,” she thinks to herself. She feels she is in love with him. She believes he wants her as much as she wants him. She believes he is her soul mate.
There is only one problem; she is my soul mate.
A chill runs down my spine; I am awake. The sun did not wake me up this morning. There is no warmth in my bed to make me stay so I get up. Somewhere out there, my soul mate is still in bed, cuddled up next to a man she just made love to. Somewhere out there, a young lady is also waking up alone. The same thoughts rush through her head every morning when she wakes up. “I am getting older and it is taking too long to find a good man. I need to get married.” Just like her, I pray to God to help me meet my soul mate. Her soul mate is out there alright; still sleeping after staying up all night making love to my soul mate. Our soul mates have no clue we exist on this earth.We are strangers to each other.
I am thinking about my soul mate. How many more lingerie will she have to buy before I run into her? I hope he did not knock her up. I hope she is not coming in with a package. I hope he did not overuse out my private property. I hope she does not incur too many miles on my private property before I meet her. I just hope she finds me in time.
Now, I’m getting worried. Will I ever find her? Will she ever find me?
I am bowing my head down in grief because I am hit with a dark reality. There may be no such thing as a soul mate. After years of searching, I no longer believe in the idea of a soul mate. Why should I?
Like countless other people, my deceptive heart led me to many who I believed were my soul mates. I believed so strongly that when I look back at the things I did, I am amazed. If you don’t agree that the heart is deceptive, ask this question of any divorcee. On their wedding day, was there anything that would have convinced them that they were not with their soul mates? Talk to any young couple in love. They will do anything for love because they believe they have found their soul mate.
If you have loved and lost, you will understand how deceptive the heart can be. It is the most deceptive part of the body. Look back at your past and you can easily point to one or two partners you would have sworn were your soul mates at the time you were together. Maybe it was your very first love. When you descend from love to hate, fighting to breakups, and divorces to custody battles, you will understand what I mean.
We are told to listen to our hearts while we search for true love. Yet, the hearts of most singles suffer a lot of trauma. The heart speeds up like a roller coaster when we think we have found the one and then it slows down when we realize that he or she is not the one. We call the doctor to resuscitate us and then start all over again. The cycle is traumatic.
Maybe I am wrong about my red lacy lingerie soul mate. Maybe we will find a way to each other. Until then, I am beginning to believe that if I have a soul mate out there, I missed her somewhere in my life. Maybe she is the one who called after I changed my number. Maybe she is the one who showed up at the party I declined to go. Maybe she is the one who stepped out of the taxi right before I stepped in. Maybe she has been sitting under my nose the whole time.
I really have no clue what my soul mate is doing out there. I do not even know if I have one. All I can say is, I wonder sometimes what she is doing at that very moment and wish that I was there with her. I fantasize about life with my soul mate and wonder why I have not found her already.
By Kwadjo Panyin…